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I had a girlfriend who had been previously married to an abusive dick who used to hold her down by the throat when they had sex. Sort of a "wham-bam thank you whore" sort of abusive relationship. The first time we made love she said that she had never had an orgasm and she also wasn't wild about the idea of sex, because she had never been with a man who was gentle and kind during the act. I was very patient and gentle and eventually, after weeks of work and understanding on both our parts, I was lucky enough to be able to give her her first orgasm (with a little help from Mr. Silver Bullet). I learned a lot about myself, too. Suddenly, I really didn't care as much about my own pleasure and getting off. My goal was just to give her that pleasure. We parted ways some time ago, but I am glad to have been able to give that to her. She is now married to a wonderful, kind man, and they have a very healthy relationship.
Not all women are as lucky, however. Psychological and physical abuse, especially the sexual kind, can wreak havoc on what would otherwise be a normal, healthy sex life.
The best thing at this point is communication. Showing frustration or aggravation at this point would not be helpful at all. If anything, it will make her close up more, feel worse, and possibly sever your physical relationship. If she is able to talk through the problem with you, someone she knows, loves and trusts, maybe she will be lucky enough to make a breakthrough.
If all else fails, then maybe it would be a good thing for her to speak to a professional about her problem. Perhaps there is some sort of medical (not necessarily psychological) reason why she cannot climax. In any case, it is important for her to know that you love her and are there for the long haul and are willing to do whatever it takes to help her. That's what relationships are truly all about.
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Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunken Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
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