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Speaking from experience, I am currently speaking to an old friend of mine that I've known for years. He's still currently married but plans on divorce. He had given me a birthday gift, a TV/VCR, but keeps forgetting to bring the remote over. I called his house and his wife happened to be there. Let's just say, she wasn't too happy about it. She has never met me, so she feels threatened I would guess judging by her 'tell her to stop calling here' reaction.
Finding things out through other people or in a 'in your face' kind of way is never a good thing. Speaking to your wife about this is a must. It's obvious from the concern you show in your post that you truly love her. She deserves to know what's going on so she won't feel threatened or uneasy about the situation with your old friend.
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