Advice needed from Ladies only! Am I betraying my wife? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

warrrreagl · 07-10-2003, 08:42 PM

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daoist · 07-11-2003, 02:10 AM

not a woman but couldn't resist replying:

the fact that you're so concerned about betraying your wife indicates to me that you aren't crossing any lines.

lurkette · 07-11-2003, 05:53 AM

It doesn't seem to me you're crossing any lines, but I'm not your wife. If you have concerns about it, the best thing to do might be to bring it up to your wife and be sure that she's comfortable with the level of intimacy you've established with this other person. I can't think of any reasonable person who would object to your re-establishing an old friendship, but we each have different buttons that get pushed. I have exactly the opposite reaction that daoist has - I think if you're so concerned about betraying your wife you may be feeling a bit guilty about something, or at the very least concerned that your wife will perceive some transgression.

El Conquistador · 07-11-2003, 08:09 AM

The fact that you're so concerned about betraying your wife indicates to me that you probably are crossing all sorts of lines.

Donkeypuncher · 07-11-2003, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by El Conquistador
The fact that you're so concerned about betraying your wife indicates to me that you probably are crossing all sorts of lines.

word.

cheerios · 07-12-2003, 03:38 AM

*chuckle* guess i'm gonna buck the trend and actually be a chick posting

*chuckle*

warrr... how intimate? if it's friends, she's tellin' you about her newest boyfriend and her littles and her mom and stuff, i wouldn't worry about it. I'd mention you were talking to her, and if you found something interesting, share it with your wife, both as a gesture showing you're not hiding anything, and jsut as a way of including her in this new bit of your life.

If she's telling you waht kind of lingere she's wearing, I'd be weary, 'cuz that stuff is NOT gonna go over well with the wife. I don't know your lady, but I guarantee that she doesn't think that things like that fall within the "old friends" relationship.

long and short: tell her about it, mention it casual. oh guess who I've been talking to lately? Jenny! did I tell you about her? we go to gether from way back!

isn't that cool?

wahtever, that sort of thing. make her feel comfortable, and don't be afraid to answer questions. chances are your wife doesn't really care if you talk to old friends, so long as you avhe time for/pay attention to her, and it's her you come home tol. good luck!

PS: the fact that you are worried is awesome, 'cuz it means you care. maybe explain that you were concerned about how she'd feel about it, and wanted to be open? Maybe that's too sissy for a man, can't tell.

Cynthetiq · 07-12-2003, 06:32 AM

not a lady, but I have lots of lady friends from my past...

share it with your wife. nothing offends more than keeping something secrets. keep your wife in the loop and #1

LittleOralAnnie · 07-12-2003, 02:03 PM

Speaking from experience, I am currently speaking to an old friend of mine that I've known for years. He's still currently married but plans on divorce. He had given me a birthday gift, a TV/VCR, but keeps forgetting to bring the remote over. I called his house and his wife happened to be there. Let's just say, she wasn't too happy about it. She has never met me, so she feels threatened I would guess judging by her 'tell her to stop calling here' reaction.

Finding things out through other people or in a 'in your face' kind of way is never a good thing. Speaking to your wife about this is a must. It's obvious from the concern you show in your post that you truly love her. She deserves to know what's going on so she won't feel threatened or uneasy about the situation with your old friend.

Minx · 07-16-2003, 07:04 AM

You say your wife knows about it so it isn't as if you are trying to cover up this renewed friendship which is a good thing. It's best to be open and honest with your wife. But I do agree with what Cheerios said....it all depends on how "intimate" these conversations/emails are. If they are getting romantic or it is a conversation you wouldn't be comfortable having your wife overhear (or read) then I'd say you're coming close to crossing the "is this bad" line.

BigJayz · 07-17-2003, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by El Conquistador
The fact that you're so concerned about betraying your wife indicates to me that you probably are crossing all sorts of lines.

My thoughts too! If you're thinking that it might cause problems, there is something either consciously or subconsciously that is making you feel guilty. Be open, have her over for dinner or something, get them acquainted and then you have expanded the friendship even more.

Put yourself in her shoes, what would you want her to do if she found her old best friend and he happened to be a guy and they were emailing eachother every day? I know if I were you I'd be kinda pissed even if it was purely plutonic until I got to know the guy and realized that they really are just good friends and nothing more.

Jonsgirl · 07-20-2003, 12:36 PM

Be open. Trust me. And whether or not anything is going on, if you're guled to the computer waiting on these e-mails, your wife will think there is. Also, if you are sharing intimate details about your wife......uh...yeah...Don't.

SCBullit · 07-22-2003, 10:16 AM

not woman ( at least last time I checked) but tell her, hiding stuff never works out.

tmricha · 07-28-2003, 01:31 PM

If you are so concerned with betraying your wife, then why not tell her how often and get her opinion? Simply by going to an external source for what "your wife may think". If you cant be honest with your wife and feel enough pseudo-guilt that you have to ask...then maybe the emails are a bit much.

sharonz · 07-29-2003, 05:58 AM

First, i dont think you are betryaing her, its always nice to have close friends of the opposite gender. your concern is what makes this true. however i agree that hiding things will make the situation worse, so bring it up to your wife that you have been emailing her on a daily basis but reassure her that this is a mere friendship and that she is the most important woman in your life.

07-10-2003, 08:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
warrrreagl pinche vato Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton	Advice needed from Ladies only! Am I betraying my wife? qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq __________________ Living is easy with eyes closed. Last edited by warrrreagl; 04-17-2005 at 05:46 AM..

07-11-2003, 02:10 AM	#2 (permalink)
daoist Crazy	not a woman but couldn't resist replying: the fact that you're so concerned about betraying your wife indicates to me that you aren't crossing any lines. __________________ I:IV:XV

07-11-2003, 05:53 AM	#3 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	It doesn't seem to me you're crossing any lines, but I'm not your wife. If you have concerns about it, the best thing to do might be to bring it up to your wife and be sure that she's comfortable with the level of intimacy you've established with this other person. I can't think of any reasonable person who would object to your re-establishing an old friendship, but we each have different buttons that get pushed. I have exactly the opposite reaction that daoist has - I think if you're so concerned about betraying your wife you may be feeling a bit guilty about something, or at the very least concerned that your wife will perceive some transgression. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

07-12-2003, 06:32 AM	#7 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	not a lady, but I have lots of lady friends from my past... share it with your wife. nothing offends more than keeping something secrets. keep your wife in the loop and #1 __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

07-16-2003, 07:04 AM	#9 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	You say your wife knows about it so it isn't as if you are trying to cover up this renewed friendship which is a good thing. It's best to be open and honest with your wife. But I do agree with what Cheerios said....it all depends on how "intimate" these conversations/emails are. If they are getting romantic or it is a conversation you wouldn't be comfortable having your wife overhear (or read) then I'd say you're coming close to crossing the "is this bad" line. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

07-11-2003, 08:09 AM	#4 (permalink)
El Conquistador Upright	The fact that you're so concerned about betraying your wife indicates to me that you probably are crossing all sorts of lines.

07-12-2003, 03:38 AM	#6 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	chuckle guess i'm gonna buck the trend and actually be a chick posting chuckle warrr... how intimate? if it's friends, she's tellin' you about her newest boyfriend and her littles and her mom and stuff, i wouldn't worry about it. I'd mention you were talking to her, and if you found something interesting, share it with your wife, both as a gesture showing you're not hiding anything, and jsut as a way of including her in this new bit of your life. If she's telling you waht kind of lingere she's wearing, I'd be weary, 'cuz that stuff is NOT gonna go over well with the wife. I don't know your lady, but I guarantee that she doesn't think that things like that fall within the "old friends" relationship. long and short: tell her about it, mention it casual. oh guess who I've been talking to lately? Jenny! did I tell you about her? we go to gether from way back! isn't that cool? wahtever, that sort of thing. make her feel comfortable, and don't be afraid to answer questions. chances are your wife doesn't really care if you talk to old friends, so long as you avhe time for/pay attention to her, and it's her you come home tol. good luck! PS: the fact that you are worried is awesome, 'cuz it means you care. maybe explain that you were concerned about how she'd feel about it, and wanted to be open? Maybe that's too sissy for a man, can't tell.

07-12-2003, 02:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
LittleOralAnnie Banned	Speaking from experience, I am currently speaking to an old friend of mine that I've known for years. He's still currently married but plans on divorce. He had given me a birthday gift, a TV/VCR, but keeps forgetting to bring the remote over. I called his house and his wife happened to be there. Let's just say, she wasn't too happy about it. She has never met me, so she feels threatened I would guess judging by her 'tell her to stop calling here' reaction. Finding things out through other people or in a 'in your face' kind of way is never a good thing. Speaking to your wife about this is a must. It's obvious from the concern you show in your post that you truly love her. She deserves to know what's going on so she won't feel threatened or uneasy about the situation with your old friend.

07-20-2003, 12:36 PM	#11 (permalink)
Jonsgirl Semi-Atomic Location: Home.	Be open. Trust me. And whether or not anything is going on, if you're guled to the computer waiting on these e-mails, your wife will think there is. Also, if you are sharing intimate details about your wife......uh...yeah...Don't. __________________ Someday, someone will best me. But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

07-22-2003, 10:16 AM	#12 (permalink)
SCBullit Upright Location: Boston, MA	not woman ( at least last time I checked) but tell her, hiding stuff never works out.

07-28-2003, 01:31 PM	#13 (permalink)
tmricha Upright	If you are so concerned with betraying your wife, then why not tell her how often and get her opinion? Simply by going to an external source for what "your wife may think". If you cant be honest with your wife and feel enough pseudo-guilt that you have to ask...then maybe the emails are a bit much.

07-29-2003, 05:58 AM	#14 (permalink)
sharonz Banned	First, i dont think you are betryaing her, its always nice to have close friends of the opposite gender. your concern is what makes this true. however i agree that hiding things will make the situation worse, so bring it up to your wife that you have been emailing her on a daily basis but reassure her that this is a mere friendship and that she is the most important woman in your life.