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Critiquing amateur poetry is a treacherous thing to do.The poet always asks for your honest opinion.It's sort of like a mother with her new baby asking if she's cute.You feel you must lie to spare any hurt feelings.After all mothers and poets are emotional people.When people ask me to read something they wrote I always tell them in advance that I will be honest.Even if that means I think it really sucks.However this young man does not suck at all.He is quite good.The poems read well.They flow easily and gracefully.The people who know about these things call that meter.It is usually the most difficult part of writing good poetry.These poems can be read aloud without sounding forced,the hallmark of good poetry.I think this poet has a good grasp of sound and phrase.Now for the 'but'.The poems lack the power to make them great.The words are too ordinary,even trite.I don't mean to go out and find every obscure word and plug it into the poem.That doesn't work either.But rather a poem is a distillation of ideas into words.And distillation is taking something and reducing it into something more potent and dense.That's what I mean by having power.Some examples:Ready to burst;this is a very tired phrase,it is without the power to excite.Another example:The light feels heavy:this is just too cute perhaps unintentional.Using opposite values is confusing.Now here is where I put the knife all the way in.The stanza that reads:
It weighs on my heart
Knows no rest
But torments me inside
Until I cease to supress
It reads great,smooth as butter.But is it memorable?Does it have power.OK here is where I go out on a limb and try my hand at it.I just want to display what other words can do.
It thickens my heart
A forlorn pulse.
This rage within
Rattles the gates of reason
It needs work,but that's the nature of the beast.You have talent my friend and I encourge you to follow your heart.No matter what anyone says,including me.
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Every time I understand the equation the parameters are changed.
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