Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - I'm going to college, she's still a senior in high school

schUsseln · 06-24-2003, 09:59 PM

That year is probably the biggest gap in "maturity" that you'll ever see...that being said - if you really think you're going to mature so much, you should suddenly find yourself a sensible person, who realizes that a single year is not so much to struggle through (especially for a serious relationship).

Having been through, and out the other side of a similar relationship though, I have to tell you that for all your belief, it's one DAMN STRONG relationship that survives, healthily, from high-school on.

You may want to consider the fact that you're going away to school for access to new people, situations, outlooks, and (perhaps most importantly) relationships. And you may soon realize that you're not so interested in commitment, and want to date people in your dorm, etc.

My advice...get it in the open that you don't know how things will pan out, but that you think you're serious enough about the relationship to keep it going. That you're worried things may change, but obviously can't predict the future....that should put all four of your feet on solid ground.

As far as keeping a strong relationship. The only people I know who managed really well (and some of them didn't,) did the following:
+did not lose themselves with obession for a long distance romance...they still lived their lives, and (the key) were good to their new friends.
+visited often with their partners (in both places)
+had their partner around enough so that they had an idea of what life was like there...and the college friends became friends with the partner
+were in a HEAVILY established relationship (~3+ years)
+had NO desire to cheat (you CANNOT CHEAT, ever!!!!!!!)
+did not talk on the phone every five minutes (maybe 30mins- 1 hour ever-other-day)

Of course, your relationship may require some different handling, but I think these are good guidelines.

Also, don't forget this - trust YOURSELF, not random-ass people on the intenet!

06-24-2003, 09:59 PM	#3 (permalink)
schUsseln Upright Location: San Francisco	That year is probably the biggest gap in "maturity" that you'll ever see...that being said - if you really think you're going to mature so much, you should suddenly find yourself a sensible person, who realizes that a single year is not so much to struggle through (especially for a serious relationship). Having been through, and out the other side of a similar relationship though, I have to tell you that for all your belief, it's one DAMN STRONG relationship that survives, healthily, from high-school on. You may want to consider the fact that you're going away to school for access to new people, situations, outlooks, and (perhaps most importantly) relationships. And you may soon realize that you're not so interested in commitment, and want to date people in your dorm, etc. My advice...get it in the open that you don't know how things will pan out, but that you think you're serious enough about the relationship to keep it going. That you're worried things may change, but obviously can't predict the future....that should put all four of your feet on solid ground. As far as keeping a strong relationship. The only people I know who managed really well (and some of them didn't,) did the following: +did not lose themselves with obession for a long distance romance...they still lived their lives, and (the key) were good to their new friends. +visited often with their partners (in both places) +had their partner around enough so that they had an idea of what life was like there...and the college friends became friends with the partner +were in a HEAVILY established relationship (~3+ years) +had NO desire to cheat (you CANNOT CHEAT, ever!!!!!!!) +did not talk on the phone every five minutes (maybe 30mins- 1 hour ever-other-day) Of course, your relationship may require some different handling, but I think these are good guidelines. Also, don't forget this - trust YOURSELF, not random-ass people on the intenet! __________________ A moral point of view too often serves as a substitue for understanding in technological matters. -Marshal McLuhan