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God bless the Weekly World News, if it weren't for them I wouldn't know that the Chinese were planning to all jump at exactly the same time, causing enough of an impact to send the earth out of orbit and into a new ice age. Luckily, the WWN discovered the exact time and so I was able to jump at the same time along with other freedom-loving WWN readers, thus saving the earth.
Didn't they do something about those snipers being lovers too?
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