Midnightskyline

Poetry - thanks for that analogy. I'm fully aware that that's how life could end up being like. I'll come back to that in a minute.

Chinese crested - I have to say that's very perceptive of you! Come to think of it, this is probably the biggest issue that I haven't mentioned at all; that being her body image and consequently her self esteem when it comes to sexual matters. Her weight has fluctuated a lot even in the time I've known her, and from photos from a few years previously it's clear she's been through quite a lot.

Late 2005 she started university. I only saw her photos perhaps a month ago, and i was absolutely shocked. She said she was probably a (UK) size 18-20. EDIT:: equivalent of US size 20-22. In my mind that's a little big, and she looked she weighed at least twice the amount she does now around her face and neck. When I first met her, I thought she looked 'curvy'. I believe she was lower-mid size 14. She had the sexiest curvy hips, legs and D boobs. I thought/think she is beautiful, I truly do. I tell her as much regularly. Currently she's probably hovering around low 16 high 14 EDIT: US size 16-18 (For the record, this is not fat AT ALL in my eyes.) So, it turns out that she'd lost perhaps 5-8 stone in the year or two between her going to university and us meeting. That's a hell of a lot of weight, and I'm really surprised at myself for omitting this when considering these issues.

In the approx. three years we've been together, she's been steadily gaining weight. Not noticeably really, just enough to compare her to a photo from back then and realise that she's got a bit bigger.

She's been on a relatively severe diet for perhaps the last month. But I can safely rule this out as these things have been occurring far longer than that.

We had a conversation about sex a week or two ago, and I ended up asking her if her lack of sexual confidence/pride/curiosity was anything to do with her weight. She replied that 'you hit the nail on the head, it's absolutely nothing else apart from my weight'.

Problem solved right? Don't be silly, nothing in my life is ever that simple. Granted, she was at her thinnest when we first got together, which is when she was at her most 'liberated' sexually, but can 10 lbs REALLY have that much of an effect? How does she clean her teeth in the morning without breaking down in tears and comfort eating ice cream for the rest of the week?! Joking aside, I really don't think it's as simple as she's making out. I think she's trying to find an easy way out of a difficult conversation, and using her weight as a scapegoat, and an easy explanation as to why she 'tolerates' sex with me.

I suggested to her a couple of weeks ago that we do it during the day...(Trying to break the routine of only ever doing it before bed) and she looked at me with this really pained expression, almost apologetic, and she said 'I'm really sorry, I just don't feel like doing it in the day.' So I asked why (gently, not accusingly) and she said it's because it's light enough that I can see her and she feels self-conscious. At this point, in my mind, I'm thinking I've got the situation cracked. I guess I was kind of wearing a downcast expression, and she said to me really apologetically 'Don't worry, it will all be better when I've lost some weight, I'll be more liberated and I'll worry less about my body'. She either cares deeply, or she's acting and is palming me off, trying to placate me.

So, on the whole, I suppose I'm feeling positive about her dieting and perhaps regaining her confidence etc. But, in all of your opinions, should I pin any hope on this at all? What if I am disappointed in the long run? I seriously can't expect anything from her, that would be unfair.

It just seems an extremely unlikely scenario that she drops 20 lbs and suddenly she wants to let me come in her face, deepthroat me, try different positions (ha ha, getting carried away. One thing at a time, right?).

She's lost about 8-10 pounds in the last month, which I didn't even realise a human body could withstand, but thats besides the point. A major breakthrough the last weekend: She was on her period so we couldn't have sex (I keep telling her that you're not a real man until you've had blood on your sword, but she won't accept it lol), so she spontaeneously, at about 4 pm on sunday just before I was about to leave to come back here, she just pulled me forward on the sofa, dropped to her knees and gave me probably the best BJ i've ever had in my life. She hardly said a word to me and had this little smile on her face. It was one of the sexiest thing's Ive ever seen. Eye contact, lots of licking, shit, getting carried away again. Sorry.

She really is a lovely girl.

And although this is really positive, I'm still interested to post all my shit here and hear your opinions. I kinda get the feeling that it was a one off, and she did it slightly out of pity because I had to come back to my course.

In one way, it's really exciting, the prospect of her getting back to her old self. This could manifest itself in other ways; affecting the way she dresses, how often we go out, her sex drive, etc etc.

But, this probably all sounds too good to be true, which it probably is. Which is why I'm very reluctant to rely on this alone. So, opinions?

Can a woman's weight *really* have such an adverse affect on every single aspect of their personality? I'm not meaning to be chauvinstic (sp?) and sexist here, it'd be great to hear a woman's point of view.

Let me give you an analogy. Someone like me, who's relatively skinny and isn't blessed with the most 'manly' of physiques (I'm 5'11, 180lbs) suddenly says to himself one day - I'm sick of this shit and I'm going to get ripped. Women will want to fuck me, I'll get a promotion, I'll win at life!!!111one etc etc. It just doesn't happen, and this is kind of how the whole situation feels to me.

She really is such a gorgeous person, physically and psychologically. (the latter in most ways, at least!), but as I said at the beginning, why have something imperfect when you can perfect it?!

I realise that on a message board like this, you guys aren't going to get the whole picture of what she's like. You only ever hear the negative stuff, which naturally encourages you guys to suggest to me that I could do better, I just get rid of her etc etc. But please consider this situation as something to be mended, not something to be simply discarded. I think this now because I've been given some hope because of this weight thing. Thanks chinese crested!! (I still agree with you Poetry, but I'll hold off final judgement, and I'll decide what to do when I'm settled in my new career, assuming she hasn't changed).

So do you think 20lbs of flesh can make so much of a difference to someone's level of desire, and ultimately, their's and their partners overall happiness? It just doesn't seem to be realistic to me.

I still can't believe I omitted this. Sincerely, thank you for suggesting that because I hadn't even considered it as something this serious.

EDIT chinese crested, whereabouts in hampshire are you? I live in Verwood.