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Originally Posted by dlish
Now i know why i like your posts so much.
Good advice. But he's been with this woman for a while now, what's expected to change if he hasnt already pushed those boundaries?
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And here I was hoping you liked them because of my sexy Day of the Dead icon.
Nothing is going to change in this relationship. I mean, it could, but it isn't going to. She's displaying the posterchild symptoms of evopsych behavior, and unless he feels like completely emotionally detaching from the situation and getting her back in line (again, breeding grounds for the MRA/PUA sect), then they're stuck. Even if he did disengage, the relationship itself would change-- and not necessarily for the better, not to mention he'd have to keep the emotional distance and dominance for the rest of the relationship, which isn't healthy at all.
It takes a certain type of man to be able to do that-- sociopathic.
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A few weeks ago when I read your comments, especially you, Poetry, I didn't want to agree with them but deep down I knew you were making a lot of sense. Now, it is still making sense but I am now consciously accepting it. I realise that I have a choice...either be not completely happy and content for the rest of my life, or, throw myself out of my comfort zone at a very difficult and inconvenient point in my life, feel like a douche for a few weeks, and then become lonely, depressed etc.
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Let's enter into some generalizations in a huge block of text:
You stay with her. Your sex life continues to degrade into nothingness. This thrills her. You get married. You pop out a couple of kidlets the few times you finally reach your breaking point and decide that sex with her is better than no sex at all. She stops working to raise the kids, or only works part-time. You become main breadwinner for the family. You get up early, you go to work, you come home to a wife that has no interest in you save for the money you bring in. This entire time she's been cheating on you, maybe with a neighbor regularly, because that's easy once the kids are in school, and, hey, you're not giving her sex because you've disassociated from her sexually because of something she did to you when you were 21. You get angry, bitter, and resentful. You start cheating because you're horny and can't stomach your wife and the twisted relationship it has grown into. Your kids are deeply psychologically affected by growing up under the tutelage of two parents who don't emotionally or sexually connect. Eventually it explodes, divorce. She keeps the kids and the house, you pay child support, possibly alimony. If you have a daughter and she follows the stereotype, she starts sleeping around looking for that daddy figure you were never able to provide because you were either piloting around the country or living in a small apartment away from her. You have a son and he doesn't respect you because of how his mom doesn't respect you, or he hates his mom and pities you and grows up to be, at least in part, a misogynist. Healthy relationships are not options for your offspring.
When you say "not content for the rest of your life", you've detached from "the rest of your life". You have no grasp on what the rest of your life entails: how you're in each moment getting more and more miserable until you wind up in a retirement home surrounded by other people whose bodies have begun giving up on them, without a wife to hold your hand when you receive the news of your newest health problem, without grandkids to delight in, with no visitors, and your friends you worked with, grew up with, dying off all around you, receiving monthly invites to their funerals, with the growing realization that when you were 21 you made some bad choices because you didn't want to spend a few weeks lonely, depressed, and inconvenienced.