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Baraka_Guru · 07-19-2011, 12:25 PM

Are you married? Happily?

I'm divorced but currently happily in a long-term relationship (technically common-law).

The divorce came after a few months of marriage that marked the end of a long-term abusive relationship. The marriage indicated just how powerless I was while in the relationship and it proved only to make matters more difficult when the relationship ended. It caused me a lot of stress at the time because of my mental state, and at the time I was attending university full time and working part time, while living away from my family in a big city.

What is your impression of marriage?

I view it as unnecessary personally. I was raised in a non-religious household. However, my siblings are generally traditional in terms of views and approaches to marriage. I'm not sure of their religious views for most of them though. I can see how marriage fulfills a religious need.

Do you think marriage could improve your life, or the opposite?

I doubt that marriage itself is what improves or degrades life quality. It's mostly the relationship, I think. I suppose there are advantages to the official trappings that marriage brings, in terms of stability and social acceptance. However, this can also be a disadvantage if the relationship is an abusive or loveless one.

Is marriage necessary to obtain the benefits of a long-term monogamous relationship?

In a word, no. I think there is far more to relationships than what marriages are. I suppose I view marriage as a confirmation of what a relationship should ideally be. However, I don't think a marriage is required to partake in this confirmation.

Do people view you differently depending on your marital status?

Some do. For a long time, we would get a perennial question: "When are you guys getting married?" We're technically engaged, I guess, and have been for years. But the relationship is more geared around trust, dedication, friendship, and exclusivity than it is around the need to make it official by marriage. I can think of at least two or three people who probably believe we are sinners based on our living/relationship situation.

07-19-2011, 12:25 PM	#9 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	Are you married? Happily? I'm divorced but currently happily in a long-term relationship (technically common-law). The divorce came after a few months of marriage that marked the end of a long-term abusive relationship. The marriage indicated just how powerless I was while in the relationship and it proved only to make matters more difficult when the relationship ended. It caused me a lot of stress at the time because of my mental state, and at the time I was attending university full time and working part time, while living away from my family in a big city. What is your impression of marriage? I view it as unnecessary personally. I was raised in a non-religious household. However, my siblings are generally traditional in terms of views and approaches to marriage. I'm not sure of their religious views for most of them though. I can see how marriage fulfills a religious need. Do you think marriage could improve your life, or the opposite? I doubt that marriage itself is what improves or degrades life quality. It's mostly the relationship, I think. I suppose there are advantages to the official trappings that marriage brings, in terms of stability and social acceptance. However, this can also be a disadvantage if the relationship is an abusive or loveless one. Is marriage necessary to obtain the benefits of a long-term monogamous relationship? In a word, no. I think there is far more to relationships than what marriages are. I suppose I view marriage as a confirmation of what a relationship should ideally be. However, I don't think a marriage is required to partake in this confirmation. Do people view you differently depending on your marital status? Some do. For a long time, we would get a perennial question: "When are you guys getting married?" We're technically engaged, I guess, and have been for years. But the relationship is more geared around trust, dedication, friendship, and exclusivity than it is around the need to make it official by marriage. I can think of at least two or three people who probably believe we are sinners based on our living/relationship situation. __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot Last edited by Baraka_Guru; 07-19-2011 at 12:30 PM..