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i have a similar story from a male perspective. i grew up in l.a. and real quick at that, running circles around my parents from the age of 13 basically. i was quite the player all the way up to 20, but then my consciousness changed and i didn't care for flimsy hookups; only genuine relationships with possibilities. i met the love of my life @ 23, and that lasted 2 years or so.
fast forward 15 years and my love life's been very sparse. i can count my relationships on one hand, and actual partners equal half of that. but that's not from a lack of opportunity; it's really just from having learned exactly what i want coupled with not wanting to string someone along or leave them hurting when i know they're not it.
i've learned to enjoy my alone time and actually kind of worry about having enough if i get into a relationship.
lately though, i've been getting into particularly good shape and getting a lot more attention when i'm out and about, but i've been really nervous about flirting because i've isolated myself for so long.
so all in all, i try to just stay aware of my state of consciousness. i gauge how i'm feeling and if i'm lonely i get out there and throw around some mojo. if i'm fine alone i stay in.
i recommend the same for you. if you're freaked out by attention or hooking up, ease back and wait till you've a hankering for it. stay aware and take baby steps till you are with the right person, and in the right time and place.
especially with your family issues, you have enough on your plate and your anxiety about hooking up should subside along with that scenario. best of luck.
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-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.
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