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Poetry, I don't know you, but from what you write here, it sounds like you're pretty smart about taking care of your emotional and physical needs when it comes to casual sex, dating and finding relationships. I've operated in much the same way in the past, dating several partners to determine which person might be the best fit for a long term relationship, as opposed to jumping into immediate sex and a monogamous relationship after dating someone only once or twice. It's a practice I'd continue if I was dating now (I've given up dating for now, and given up hope of finding the right partner for me in the place where I currently live).
But relationships, however and why ever we get into them, take a toll on our emotional state when they're over. And it sounds like this one took a pretty big emotional toll on you, such that it seems like you're almost afraid to date again for fear of feeling something so intense for and with someone else again, and the possibility of being deeply hurt by them again. I'd definitely agree with those who have recommended talk therapy. I can think of nothing better to help us work through our deep emotional issues. It has helped me through the end of several relationships.
I found my current therapist through a community counseling center. For the first several years I saw her, I paid no more than $20 per hour. The counseling center offered sliding-scale fees, which means that the clients pay as much as they can afford per counseling session. After a few years, they usually re-evaluate your finances (basically, they ask if you can afford more), and most of the time I've been able to. My fees wouldn't go up more than $5 per session every couple of years, so it wasn't a big expense for me.
As is the case with many counseling centers, they don't always place you with a therapist you feel comfortable working with at first. The first therapist I saw at the counseling center was a woman my age who was very nice, and a good reflective listener, but I wanted her to do a little more than just say, "uh-huh, that sounds like it was awful," all the time. I asked to be switched to a different therapist and within a week, the counseling center found another woman who's older and a little more experienced with therapy. We've had a good therapeutic relationship ever since.
I'd strongly recommend giving therapy a try and see how it works for you. It's not going to be instantaneous by any means, but give it 6 to 8 months and see how you feel. And maybe don't date until you're ready to, the anxiety goes away and the panic attacks disappear. Don't put yourself through more than you need at the moment.
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The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. — Dorothy Parker
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