Manic_Skafe

It sounds to me like you made the brave choice to fall in love and take some risks along and the way and ever since things failed to pan out as expected you've been denying yourself the space and time needed to heal and adjust thus dooming your already quite questionably founded relationships henceforth.

Take solace in the fact that while you've got a lot going on and a hell of a lot within yourself to make sense of, so does everyone else. We're all open and malleable to our circumstances and as scary as it may be to admit, we're all a hell of a lot more vulnerable than we imagine. Terrifying as it is, being shaken to the core of whom we believe ourselves to be is to be posed with the opportunity to go forward having learned from what's happened to become better, healthier and more balanced people.

Trust yourself well enough to get through this and you'll be all the better for it. Go it alone for as long as you need and eventually you'll know when you're ready to start dating again.

(also, I wouldn't downplay the severity of your anxiety attacks. A therapist would help make sense of all of this but were I in your shoes I'd resign myself to professional help at least in coping with the anxiety.)

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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian