Midnightskyline

Thanks for your input manic skafe, and i take your point.

However, obviously this being a forum, as zenda says, you can't really get all the details across, and my tone of voice and the way you guys perceive me and my emotions are going to be skewed because of the nature of this communication.

Let me stress one thing, in everyday life, I am happy. Satisfied. Content. Whatever you want to call it. However, these are 'niggles' that I would rather have ironed out than left to simmer. I don't feel hard done by by any of this, and feeling all these emotions is confusing because honestly, i can't emphasise enough, that our relationship is strong, loving and mutual. She takes advantage of me sometimes, and me likewise, whether it's a conscious decision or not.

Let me give you some examples to better explain how our relationship works.

I read an article recently on how to judge how good someone will be in bed, before you sleep with them (obviously). One thing that got me was the 'assertiveness' thing. Telling the other person what you want, rather than 'i honestly don't mind, you decide'. She is the 'i dont mind' type, rather than the assertive type. With most things anyway. What do you want for dinner? Don't mind. You decide. No I don't want to be selfish. For fucks sake (argument ensues) ...........that's probably as bad as it gets. That and how disorganised I am. But then likewise I hate it when she gets angry at stuff for seemingly no reason. 99% we are brilliant together. I feel lucky.

However, these things are in my mind so I might as well deal with them, right? They are not deal-breakers for me. If she was 8 ft tall or stank of dog poo then they would be deal breakers. These are things which I believe could/would add to our relationship.

I just wanted to clear all this up really, yes these things are getting to me but no they're not going to make me dump her, unless they manifest themselves severely in other, more important situations.


The same question keeps burning the back of my mind though, how come she was the way she was, and is now absolutely, utterly, completely the opposite. A while ago she told me the most 'dangerous' sexual encounter she'd ever had was with some dude who played for a rugby team. As they were doing it, the rest of the team came into their hotel room and were watching, and she didn't make them leave. Apparently she actually quite liked them watching. .... Fair enough, I probably didn't need to know that but never mind. What matters is that she talks about this stuff very easily, but how come she doesn't want to please me in such a simple and non-threatening way? 3 weeks into our relationship, we'd only slept together maybe 4-5 times, and in the evening, at her house, she looks me in the eye and says 'I want you to fuck me in the ass'. Where has this attitude and liberation gone?! The only thing I can think of is that she's put on maybe a stone or stone and a half (I don't know how much that is in metric, maybe 10 kg/22 lbs?). Obviously I am aware that relationships morph and adapt over time, but it just seems like something has gone wrong somewhere. Sometimes I think to myself, shit, I'm only 21 and i'm settling down with some girl who doesn't want to get down and dirty? Is that normal?! EDIT:: After re-reading what i'd posted, I wanted to add something. She talks *so* comfortably (almost to the point of it being strange) about her past sexual encounters, partners etc, but then she thinks im pervy/weird/forcing her/being chauvinistic when i mention something so innocent, and won't even talk about it for 30 seconds. What do you guys think of this? Insecurity? She's let herself go, attitude wise? She takes me for granted in that area? I'm stumped. I'd literally do almost anything just to be able to open a proper, mutual dialogue with her about I *and* she likes in the bedroom.

Again, let me stress, niggles. This may sound strange given what i've just said, and how i've said it, but I'd rate our regular sex perhaps 8/10. I've had better sex before with other partners but obviously not with the same connection. But I want to make it 10/10, is there anything so wrong with that?! Not being able to get to 10/10 is undesirable of course, but it wouldn't make me walk out on her.

Call me a wet blanket, spineless, whatever, but I know how I feel and hopefully i've clarified the situation a little.

Thanks as always!!

Oh and what do you think about the vibrator? Should I just buy one anyways, and surprise her with it? Would she put me down? Should I not even give her the chance to be embarassed by talking about it, and just go ahead and do it? This may sound like a small thing but I just don't want to backwards from here by mortifying her!