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Midnightskyline · 06-07-2011, 06:19 PM

Hi all, sorry it's been so long, I've read all your responses and taken them in, as always.

Couldn't sleep tonight so I've gotten up to write down/ponder everything that's running through my mind right now. Bear with me if you will because I have a lot to vent and it's not necessarily going to be in order, or coherent. But here goes...

The first thing to do is an update. Since I had that altercation about the shirts, I've tried really hard to not mention or think about my sexual desires to her at all. Surprisingly, it's been quite successful and I haven't actually felt that repressed really. I didn't want to pressure her, as she requested, so I feel like our relationship has enjoyed a bit of an upturn recently. That is to say, we've both been happier and gotten on better generally for the last week or so. We've mentioned sex a couple of times however, as you'll see.

However, in this time, whether subconciously or otherwise, I've found my mind wandering yet again. I can't stop it, and I've already tried repressing, so the only thing for it is to vent it all and hear what you guys have to say, and keep it all internally so to speak. This came to a head about a week ago, when I decided to go and seek professional 'help'. I met with a psychotherapist in my local area. I took it upon myself to get outside help, but unfortunately it wasn't that helpful really beyond finding someone else's point of view, but I can get that here, from more varied sources and at considerably less cost

Aaaanyway. So I wrote a little list of the things that are bothering me right now. Remember, it's 3am and its been a long day.

1. Something which I don't think I mentioned in previous posts what that my S/O said to me during the discussion 'I believe sexual fantasies should be kept to yourself'. Fair enough, I won't force her. She is entitled to her opinion. But what if I want to share mine? And surely sharing these things will further both our sex lives? Go figure, but maybe I'm just being closed-minded. I'm interested to see what everyone thinks of this. This leads me to about three days ago. We got talking about fantasies (she started the conversation?!) and she mentioned that she used to masturbate to certain images...These being 'rough sex'...I.e. hair pulling, submission, coming in her face, spanking etc... As you can imagine, my eyebrows jumped up about 4 inches! But, she said she would never even want to act these out in real life, it was just that she got some kind of masochistic sexual buzz out of these images. The thought of actually doing it turned her stomach. I only mention this because it's so contradictory to her policy of 'no sharing sexual fantasies' when they're obviously in there somewhere, and very, very real. Why can't she understand mine!?

2. About three months after we got together, I remember I stayed over her place one night, and in the morning she woke me up, and she was wearing a silk nightie thing, stockings, high black heels and quite slutty make up...needless to say this sent me crazy, and we had great sex for a couple of hours. Where has this girl gone? That must've been pretty brave of her, and she was all the sexier for it. I guess little flashes of extroversion like that have given me some sort of expectation that she will be like that more often, but this is a moot point because setting yourself up for disappointment is very silly indeed, and I've learnt to know better.

3. Every time we go to bed these days, she wears some sort of nightie, that are really sexy, black satin with lace, longish blue silk etc etc. They are really nice, but after we have sex she goes and changes into traditional PJs. How come she does that but won't even entertain the idea of dressing up for me? Maybe it's a control thing. What do you think? This is the issue because like I said, it's all obviously in there somewhere, but how to get it out to come out without pressuring her?

4. Just a couple of hours ago when we got into bed, she mentioned that she'd read an article in a trashy magazine about a vibrator that heats up. When I asked why she'd mentioned that, she said she thought it was a cool idea. I asked her if she'd like to buy one to try, she just shrugged it off because she didn't think how it could help with sex. But she brought it up in the first place, so I just don't understand. Incidentally, and perhaps this is more relevant than I first thought, (I'm going to get graphic now, but I don't have to ever meet you guys so pfft) she can only orgasm in one position, and even then it's only because I'm touching her clit, and in almost three years she has never come simply through straight sex. I'm aware that some women simply can't, and that's fine. But this is where the vibrator comes in, she could possibly orgasm in more different positions because a vibrator can go where I can't reach....etc....I've always wondered whether it's because i'm not well endowed enough, because she's the first girl that I've been with who I've had to touch as well to get her to orgasm. But that is a separate issue altogether!
So the point is, how to get her to open up and admit to me, and herself, that adding new things to sex can be enjoyable...for both of us!?

5. (Warning, 3am rambling) Leading on from the penis size thing.... When she gets properly pissed off, she'll say something that she knows would make a grown man cry, just to spite me. And I mean MEAN, so spiteful you wouldn't believe. We had a severe argument a long time ago, while we were on holiday, while we were swimming in the sea, for some reason. Anyway, she ended up saying to me, 'You know that guy I was with before you? Yeah? Well his cock was about half as big again as yours'. Ouch. This argument was literally about where we were going to eat for dinner, or something. Completely irrelevant anyway. Wow. That really fucking hurt, and I'm not particularly secure about that sort of thing anyway. I'm happy with my body but my penis is not my pride and joy, so to speak! It's average, and I'm not looking for reassurance at all, but WOW. That comment, as I'm sure you'll agree guys, hurt a lot. Even if she didn't mean it, the fact remains that some other dude was that much larger. THAT much. I asked her a couple of weeks after if she'd meant what she said, and she only said it to spite me, but it was actually a true fact.
The reason I mention this is because sometimes when I'm doing nothing in particular, (i.e. now, when I can't sleep), this comment comes back to haunt me. Badly. Linking in to 4. - was he able to make her come without touching her?! Insecureville, Population - Me.

6. ( Told you they weren't in any order!!) My S/O is a Pilot, flying around Europe on a freelance basis. Tomorrow she's going to Holland, and ALL I can think about is how good she's going to look in her uniform. I just want to take photos of her, touch her with her uniform on, etc etc. I'm sure you can use your imagination. I've told her that I find her sexy in her uniform a long time ago, but again, she dismissed it. Is this something else I'm going to have to repress as well?! (I didn't tell her HOW much I liked it...)

7. Finally, relating back to the actual topic of this thread, I don't know if i mentioned it before, but also in the part where I said I'd compromised about not mentioning her shirts, she'd said to me that 'I'll go and buy some more, I only threw them away because they were old fashioned' And to be fair, she did basically throw out almost every item of clothing she had lol. Oh and did I mention she made me take them to the recycling centre myself?!!??!?!
Will she really buy some more, or was she just saying that because she wanted to placate me, with no intention of doing so? I know this sounds stupid but use this analogy; a smoker is 'made' to quit, but he *might be bought a packet of cigarettes in a months time*. What is the smoker going to think? When? Where? How? How much? What type? etc etc. False hope is cruel. On the other hand, if she's for real, awesome! But who knows, because I can't ask!

Ok, that's it. Do you think she sounds sexually repressed? She told me once that she only started touching herself when she was 16-17, whereas I was masturbating at 12...which I thought was a pretty normal time.

Also, don't know how relevant this is, but she's three years older than me, but is less experienced in relationships than I am. She'd never 'been in love', and had never, ever had a regular relationship. All her previous partners had been one night stands, casual sex (ironic huh? Where has this girl gone?) or friends with benefits. (By her own admission). But I must stress, she doesn't come across overly-emotional, needy, clingy or any of those other things that I've come to associate with people who don't have relationship experience. She really is a wonderful person. God, you guys must think she's so nasty lol. She's not.

Thanks for listening, as always, and good luck deciphering my ramblings!

06-07-2011, 06:19 PM	#29 (permalink)
Midnightskyline Upright	Hi all, sorry it's been so long, I've read all your responses and taken them in, as always. Couldn't sleep tonight so I've gotten up to write down/ponder everything that's running through my mind right now. Bear with me if you will because I have a lot to vent and it's not necessarily going to be in order, or coherent. But here goes... The first thing to do is an update. Since I had that altercation about the shirts, I've tried really hard to not mention or think about my sexual desires to her at all. Surprisingly, it's been quite successful and I haven't actually felt that repressed really. I didn't want to pressure her, as she requested, so I feel like our relationship has enjoyed a bit of an upturn recently. That is to say, we've both been happier and gotten on better generally for the last week or so. We've mentioned sex a couple of times however, as you'll see. However, in this time, whether subconciously or otherwise, I've found my mind wandering yet again. I can't stop it, and I've already tried repressing, so the only thing for it is to vent it all and hear what you guys have to say, and keep it all internally so to speak. This came to a head about a week ago, when I decided to go and seek professional 'help'. I met with a psychotherapist in my local area. I took it upon myself to get outside help, but unfortunately it wasn't that helpful really beyond finding someone else's point of view, but I can get that here, from more varied sources and at considerably less cost Aaaanyway. So I wrote a little list of the things that are bothering me right now. Remember, it's 3am and its been a long day. 1. Something which I don't think I mentioned in previous posts what that my S/O said to me during the discussion 'I believe sexual fantasies should be kept to yourself'. Fair enough, I won't force her. She is entitled to her opinion. But what if I want to share mine? And surely sharing these things will further both our sex lives? Go figure, but maybe I'm just being closed-minded. I'm interested to see what everyone thinks of this. This leads me to about three days ago. We got talking about fantasies (she started the conversation?!) and she mentioned that she used to masturbate to certain images...These being 'rough sex'...I.e. hair pulling, submission, coming in her face, spanking etc... As you can imagine, my eyebrows jumped up about 4 inches! But, she said she would never even want to act these out in real life, it was just that she got some kind of masochistic sexual buzz out of these images. The thought of actually doing it turned her stomach. I only mention this because it's so contradictory to her policy of 'no sharing sexual fantasies' when they're obviously in there somewhere, and very, very real. Why can't she understand mine!? 2. About three months after we got together, I remember I stayed over her place one night, and in the morning she woke me up, and she was wearing a silk nightie thing, stockings, high black heels and quite slutty make up...needless to say this sent me crazy, and we had great sex for a couple of hours. Where has this girl gone? That must've been pretty brave of her, and she was all the sexier for it. I guess little flashes of extroversion like that have given me some sort of expectation that she will be like that more often, but this is a moot point because setting yourself up for disappointment is very silly indeed, and I've learnt to know better. 3. Every time we go to bed these days, she wears some sort of nightie, that are really sexy, black satin with lace, longish blue silk etc etc. They are really nice, but after we have sex she goes and changes into traditional PJs. How come she does that but won't even entertain the idea of dressing up for me? Maybe it's a control thing. What do you think? This is the issue because like I said, it's all obviously in there somewhere, but how to get it out to come out without pressuring her? 4. Just a couple of hours ago when we got into bed, she mentioned that she'd read an article in a trashy magazine about a vibrator that heats up. When I asked why she'd mentioned that, she said she thought it was a cool idea. I asked her if she'd like to buy one to try, she just shrugged it off because she didn't think how it could help with sex. But she brought it up in the first place, so I just don't understand. Incidentally, and perhaps this is more relevant than I first thought, (I'm going to get graphic now, but I don't have to ever meet you guys so pfft) she can only orgasm in one position, and even then it's only because I'm touching her clit, and in almost three years she has never come simply through straight sex. I'm aware that some women simply can't, and that's fine. But this is where the vibrator comes in, she could possibly orgasm in more different positions because a vibrator can go where I can't reach....etc....I've always wondered whether it's because i'm not well endowed enough, because she's the first girl that I've been with who I've had to touch as well to get her to orgasm. But that is a separate issue altogether! So the point is, how to get her to open up and admit to me, and herself, that adding new things to sex can be enjoyable...for both of us!? 5. (Warning, 3am rambling) Leading on from the penis size thing.... When she gets properly pissed off, she'll say something that she knows would make a grown man cry, just to spite me. And I mean MEAN, so spiteful you wouldn't believe. We had a severe argument a long time ago, while we were on holiday, while we were swimming in the sea, for some reason. Anyway, she ended up saying to me, 'You know that guy I was with before you? Yeah? Well his cock was about half as big again as yours'. Ouch. This argument was literally about where we were going to eat for dinner, or something. Completely irrelevant anyway. Wow. That really fucking hurt, and I'm not particularly secure about that sort of thing anyway. I'm happy with my body but my penis is not my pride and joy, so to speak! It's average, and I'm not looking for reassurance at all, but WOW. That comment, as I'm sure you'll agree guys, hurt a lot. Even if she didn't mean it, the fact remains that some other dude was that much larger. THAT much. I asked her a couple of weeks after if she'd meant what she said, and she only said it to spite me, but it was actually a true fact. The reason I mention this is because sometimes when I'm doing nothing in particular, (i.e. now, when I can't sleep), this comment comes back to haunt me. Badly. Linking in to 4. - was he able to make her come without touching her?! Insecureville, Population - Me. 6. ( Told you they weren't in any order!!) My S/O is a Pilot, flying around Europe on a freelance basis. Tomorrow she's going to Holland, and ALL I can think about is how good she's going to look in her uniform. I just want to take photos of her, touch her with her uniform on, etc etc. I'm sure you can use your imagination. I've told her that I find her sexy in her uniform a long time ago, but again, she dismissed it. Is this something else I'm going to have to repress as well?! (I didn't tell her HOW much I liked it...) 7. Finally, relating back to the actual topic of this thread, I don't know if i mentioned it before, but also in the part where I said I'd compromised about not mentioning her shirts, she'd said to me that 'I'll go and buy some more, I only threw them away because they were old fashioned' And to be fair, she did basically throw out almost every item of clothing she had lol. Oh and did I mention she made me take them to the recycling centre myself?!!??!?! Will she really buy some more, or was she just saying that because she wanted to placate me, with no intention of doing so? I know this sounds stupid but use this analogy; a smoker is 'made' to quit, but he might be bought a packet of cigarettes in a months time. What is the smoker going to think? When? Where? How? How much? What type? etc etc. False hope is cruel. On the other hand, if she's for real, awesome! But who knows, because I can't ask! Ok, that's it. Do you think she sounds sexually repressed? She told me once that she only started touching herself when she was 16-17, whereas I was masturbating at 12...which I thought was a pretty normal time. Also, don't know how relevant this is, but she's three years older than me, but is less experienced in relationships than I am. She'd never 'been in love', and had never, ever had a regular relationship. All her previous partners had been one night stands, casual sex (ironic huh? Where has this girl gone?) or friends with benefits. (By her own admission). But I must stress, she doesn't come across overly-emotional, needy, clingy or any of those other things that I've come to associate with people who don't have relationship experience. She really is a wonderful person. God, you guys must think she's so nasty lol. She's not. Thanks for listening, as always, and good luck deciphering my ramblings!