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Midnightskyline · 05-18-2011, 09:40 AM

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been keeping up to date with this thread, but I' decided, having read Zenda's post, to give his/her (apologies) advice a shot. I decided to take the previous couple of weeks a day at a time, and to try to admit my weaknesses, and most of all *embrace* them, and use them. For example, every time in the last two weeks (which has actually been all too common, unfortauntely) i've thought of her past or how to expose it, and wound myself up about it, I've thought to myself that I am weak willed, so nothing will come of it anyway apart from my own depression.

Good advice, and it seems to have worked, although unfortunately only temporarily. There were a good couple of points in the posts above, actually too many to start quoting, but a couple stood out

1. I have no right to judge her because I shouldn't have been snooping. Too true, I had already thought of this but perhaps not to the extent I should have.

2. She keeps them for posterity? Hm that is a good point. I assumed she'd kept the old emails so she could cheer herself up now and again with a good old trip down memory lane about how promiscuous and naughty she once was. Fair enough, I was promiscuous once also but the sticking point is that I haven't kept anything of that order (I don't have facebook, had a few new email addresses since then, etc), so why would she? She's her own person?! No way! lol. It simply hurt a little to think that I didn't scratch that itch for her completely.

3. Poetry - let me ask you a question. Please don't dismiss it and properly think it about it, if you would. You say you've kept a large part of your correspondance from previous partners...Fair enough, but how would you react if your partner suddenly came to you all upset and depressed, because he'd found, read, and pored over them? Would you tell him to shut up because it's private, would you ignore it? Would you listen to him and try to work things out? Would you apologise (I get the feeling i'm going to get shot down here, but i'm simply being hypothetical), would you be angry? The reason I ask is because I'm considering whether I should tell my girlfriend or not. It would be good to hear a women's perspective, and how you'd possibly react.

4. Why is it so pathetic to feel this way? And why can I admit that it is pathetic, and yet do very little about it?

5. Am I over controlling? Just out of interest, If I were to mention that i'd found all this stuff to her, I wouldn't accuse her or make her feel like a whore. I'd simply tell her that I'd found them and I wish I hadn't and how can she help me forget about it. What do you guys think of that, sound reasonable or absolutely not?

6. Thanks for your responses guys, they mean a lot and actually help as well.

7. Thanks also for fixing the title. Don't know how to edit!

05-18-2011, 09:40 AM	#31 (permalink)
Midnightskyline Upright	Hey guys, sorry I haven't been keeping up to date with this thread, but I' decided, having read Zenda's post, to give his/her (apologies) advice a shot. I decided to take the previous couple of weeks a day at a time, and to try to admit my weaknesses, and most of all embrace them, and use them. For example, every time in the last two weeks (which has actually been all too common, unfortauntely) i've thought of her past or how to expose it, and wound myself up about it, I've thought to myself that I am weak willed, so nothing will come of it anyway apart from my own depression. Good advice, and it seems to have worked, although unfortunately only temporarily. There were a good couple of points in the posts above, actually too many to start quoting, but a couple stood out 1. I have no right to judge her because I shouldn't have been snooping. Too true, I had already thought of this but perhaps not to the extent I should have. 2. She keeps them for posterity? Hm that is a good point. I assumed she'd kept the old emails so she could cheer herself up now and again with a good old trip down memory lane about how promiscuous and naughty she once was. Fair enough, I was promiscuous once also but the sticking point is that I haven't kept anything of that order (I don't have facebook, had a few new email addresses since then, etc), so why would she? She's her own person?! No way! lol. It simply hurt a little to think that I didn't scratch that itch for her completely. 3. Poetry - let me ask you a question. Please don't dismiss it and properly think it about it, if you would. You say you've kept a large part of your correspondance from previous partners...Fair enough, but how would you react if your partner suddenly came to you all upset and depressed, because he'd found, read, and pored over them? Would you tell him to shut up because it's private, would you ignore it? Would you listen to him and try to work things out? Would you apologise (I get the feeling i'm going to get shot down here, but i'm simply being hypothetical), would you be angry? The reason I ask is because I'm considering whether I should tell my girlfriend or not. It would be good to hear a women's perspective, and how you'd possibly react. 4. Why is it so pathetic to feel this way? And why can I admit that it is pathetic, and yet do very little about it? 5. Am I over controlling? Just out of interest, If I were to mention that i'd found all this stuff to her, I wouldn't accuse her or make her feel like a whore. I'd simply tell her that I'd found them and I wish I hadn't and how can she help me forget about it. What do you guys think of that, sound reasonable or absolutely not? 6. Thanks for your responses guys, they mean a lot and actually help as well. 7. Thanks also for fixing the title. Don't know how to edit!