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soma · 05-07-2011, 08:00 AM

Zenda,
Ok, I read your whole post a couple times. To answer one of your questions, yeah he can act more negatively towards me in private and put on a good face in front of the group. It can sometimes feel like an abusive relationship almost, which is something I'm finally starting to realize. Because he can put up a convincing enough good face in front of the whole group, I think this makes it more difficult to bring it up with my friends in private. Like if I did, they would be like "why are you saying he's a jerk, he's pretty cool most of the time". Now as I'm writing this, I feel like there are more signs that it is like an abusive relationship. I also fear retaliation from him if he knew that I was talking bad about him with my other friends. I feel kind of trapped.

As far as reforming the group and dropping members goes, we have another guy, that regularly does very rude and stupid things, and we even talk about it as a group, but it would never go as far as never hanging out with him. We're very non-exclusive.

Sometimes, the questionable stuff that is looked over in my group has tempted me to find a new group of friends, but I have horrible social skills and becoming part of a new group would be very difficult for me.

But yeah anyway, this guy has continued to contact me to hang out. I haven't hung out with him for over 2 weeks now, which is good, but he has still been contacting me like 3-5 times per week.

still pretty annoying. heh

Addendum: I've had a lot of shitty friendships in my past, and this is the first time that I'm making a choice to cut back on one before it starts negatively affecting my life. Even though this is hard for me to do, I think it's a good turning point, and will make things better for me.

Addendum #2: I'm house sitting for a mentor of mine at the end of june. That will remove me from my apartment (which is sooooo close to his), for 1.5 months. I think during that time, I won't hang out with him at all. 1.5 months of not seeing him will hopefully cement a lasting social separation between us.

05-07-2011, 08:00 AM	#21 (permalink)
soma Addict Location: USA	Zenda, Ok, I read your whole post a couple times. To answer one of your questions, yeah he can act more negatively towards me in private and put on a good face in front of the group. It can sometimes feel like an abusive relationship almost, which is something I'm finally starting to realize. Because he can put up a convincing enough good face in front of the whole group, I think this makes it more difficult to bring it up with my friends in private. Like if I did, they would be like "why are you saying he's a jerk, he's pretty cool most of the time". Now as I'm writing this, I feel like there are more signs that it is like an abusive relationship. I also fear retaliation from him if he knew that I was talking bad about him with my other friends. I feel kind of trapped. As far as reforming the group and dropping members goes, we have another guy, that regularly does very rude and stupid things, and we even talk about it as a group, but it would never go as far as never hanging out with him. We're very non-exclusive. Sometimes, the questionable stuff that is looked over in my group has tempted me to find a new group of friends, but I have horrible social skills and becoming part of a new group would be very difficult for me. But yeah anyway, this guy has continued to contact me to hang out. I haven't hung out with him for over 2 weeks now, which is good, but he has still been contacting me like 3-5 times per week. still pretty annoying. heh Addendum: I've had a lot of shitty friendships in my past, and this is the first time that I'm making a choice to cut back on one before it starts negatively affecting my life. Even though this is hard for me to do, I think it's a good turning point, and will make things better for me. Addendum #2: I'm house sitting for a mentor of mine at the end of june. That will remove me from my apartment (which is sooooo close to his), for 1.5 months. I think during that time, I won't hang out with him at all. 1.5 months of not seeing him will hopefully cement a lasting social separation between us. __________________ Having Girl Problems? Last edited by soma; 05-07-2011 at 08:05 AM..