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Originally Posted by Midnightskyline
I have a loving long term relationship with my girlfriend (we are both mid 20's) but one day I discovered (she left her email signed in and the page open) a few emails from before we were together (I know I know I know), some of which contained stuff that no red blooded male wants to read about his supposedly innocent and pure of mind better half.
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Holy crap, your girlfriend wasn't a virgin when you met her? Dump her immediately!
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The reason I decided to post this in the sexuality section is because this clandestine knowledge has started to affect my sex life, and to a greater extent, my day to day happiness and comfort.
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Well, I can understand that, I guess, just talk to her about what you read, apologize for snooping, cross any bridges that need crossing as maturely as possible ("I know it was none of my business to be in there and read that, but since I did, I need to ask: why won't you do xxxxx for me? I'd like it, too!" or "that was really unexpected, I didn't know you were into yyyyy") and move on.
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I find myself constantly looking for more information, more old emails etc etc. Not good. I suppose I am insecure and a little immature, but you must realise the first discovery was almost accidental, which lead to my near obsession with her past. Anyone else had similar experiences? How did you deal with it?
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Whoa, wait, what? You're only fooling yourself if you think that the first discovery was accidental...you 'accidentally' started reading her SENT emails from (presumably) years ago, before you were dating? Bullshit, you were snooping and you knew it then, and know it now. Not to mention the fact that you are STILL ACTIVELY DOING IT EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW IT IS TOXIC TO YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP??
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You must realise, before casting aspersions, that I admit my faults and know that it is wrong.
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THEN STOP DOING IT
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I am simply seeking for someone to identify with and for some advice or perhaps similar experiences.
Incidentally, if anyone would require details of the 'dirt' those old emails contained then I shall provide if asked, albeit with a grimace and stomach butterflies!
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You know what I think? The fact that you keep searching out such information makes me think you were titillated by it, on some level, which has led you to obsessively seek out more of it, and your desire to share it with us is an extension of that. Hell no, we (I) don't want you to rehash it for us to comiserate about what a whore your girlfriend used to be--with (presumably) her significant other, before she dated you.
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Thanks for reading. Please no tldr's or trolls, lol. Oh and I hate typing on a bloody iPhone!
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I hope you don't think I'm trolling, but I want you to realize: You are 100% in the wrong, and she is 100% in the right...there's not shared guilt here. You need to confess, tell her to change her passwords, and deal with the invasion of privacy you inflicted upon her, or you need to acknowledge that you won't be able to get past it, and move on. If it had been emails WHILE you were dating, that would be a slightly different story, but you'd still be in the wrong. But that your sex life is being affected by stuff she wrote to her ex BEFORE you were dating is TOTALLY unfair to her--imagine what she's probably thinking is wrong?