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I think that if merely deciding to end one's relationship before beginning another causes one's friends to reject one, then they were bad friends to begin with. And if not, then one needs to question one's own actions.

What I'm saying is that actions have meanings. Ending a committed long-term relationship in order to start sleeping with someone else may be unpopular with one's children or ex-partner, but it is honest and forthright.

Cheating is dishonest and underhanded. And as far as I have been able to tell, having watched it happen from the POV of a friend, of an acquaintance, of a co-worker, of a rabbi: when cheaters are discovered-- and they are almost always discovered-- the resultant shitstorm seems far worse than what would likely have occurred had they simply ended their relationship or filed for divorce, and been up-front about everything in the first place. Most people can get over a person ending a relationship, falling out of love with their long-term partner, and moving on in their lives. They may be sad to see the relationship end, and they may even think that the couple should have worked on it more; but in the end, all they can say is that when it wasn't working for Party Number One, s/he broke it off with Party Number Two; and the talk usually dies down relatively quickly. But when Party Number One cheats, the drama inevitably becomes a nine days wonder for all and sundry, and in fact is almost always dragged out interminably, with terrible results for all concerned.

Regardless, in the end, the truth is pretty simple. Committing to a long-term monogamous relationship is just that: a commitment. It is not a petty commitment. And making it formal by getting married makes it an even more serious commitment. In doing so, one is pledging that one will prioritize the honorable treatment of one's partner over the momentary whims of one's genitals.

If one is not able to make such a commitment, one should not get married, and should have only very informal relationships. No harm, no foul. But if one does make such a commitment, one should stick to it. I'm not saying it always has to be "until death do us part," but I think that having a formalized or de facto long-term committed monogamous relationship means that you have the integrity to be honest; and if honesty requires that you end the relationship, you do so, and face the consequences like a mature adult.

If one is embarrassed about ending one's long-term committed relationship in order to screw around a lot or shack up with someone clearly inappropriate to one's age or position or whatnot (let's say), then one should have more self-control. And if one is willing to prioritize screwing around a lot and shacking up with inappropriate partners, fine: but then one needs to be adult enough to face the fact that that is one's priority, and not one's long-term partner, or kids, or what have you.

Cheating is lying. Not just to others, but to oneself. And deceit is just not healthy.

Which is odd, because almost all the guys I know who are faithful to their partners didn't have to cheat and suffer the consequences. They just didn't cheat-- at least not after middle school, or maybe high school at the latest, and most of them not at all.

They just knew that part of being a man is to man up to situations, and face them head-on. Part of being a man is having integrity and honor: a man's word means something. He doesn't break it lightly, he deals straight with everyone. And a man should know that it's more important for people to know you're honest than for people to wrongly think you're a saint.

Call me old-fashioned if you like, but I really believe that. And so do most of the guys I'm friends with.

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)