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For the tl;dr crowd - high school kid discovers new friends outside of school, experiments with drugs, falls in love with "Kate", "Kate" OD's at a rave, group of friends breaks up. He's moved on for the most part but still hurts.
Yeah, I get that, Wyvers. I had a friend that was murdered about 20 years ago. Every once in a while, I see her on a bus or in a train station or walking down the street, but when I look back, it's someone else. Honestly, I think you need to spend some time talking about this with someone in depth and at least get that cathartic release. It seems like you need it. And I think it's probably best to pay someone to help you with that, but that's me. The only ones that I ever mention Tammy to are folks that knew her too because I don't want to burden my other friends with that kind of stuff.
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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo
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