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I dont mean to be insulting, but I do think this sits in two quite specific stages.
Being turned on by someone smoking seems to me to be pretty harmless and although it wouldnt turn me on personally I can make sense of it (as it seems a kind of metaphor for oral sex?)
Insofar as smoking isnt a healthy thing it isnt so good in that way, and I do think there is a moral question in encouraging anyone to smoke - but it isnt something that strikes me emotionally as negative.
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I cant say I feel the same about the other side of things, where you mention using people as ash trays or "having them" eat cigarettes. To me this seems to be quite a demeaning thing to want someone to do even if it isnt physically harmful (I imagine it is at least physically unpleasant), and seems to me to signify that you want to enjoy a feeling of power over the other person and diminishing them.
Obviously some people are into those sorts of things, and if they equally get off on the "powerlessness" I suppose although I find it troubling it is up to them and you if you enjoy such things. But when you talk about having to persuade people to do it, I think that maybe isnt something you need to look at.
For one thing, if *I* really liked a girl and she said "well, there's a funny thing, but to turn me on I need to...." and she ended up saying she wanted to tip ash in my mouth... if I was desperate enough, if she was hot enough - maybe I would do it to get laid? But surely the next day I'd feel ashamed and wouldnt talk to her again probably
So, I think there is a danger that if you pursuade someone into something that is quite demeaning - even if there is no question of bullying or anything like that - after the event they just feel uncomfortable and it kills of the relationship.
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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."
The Gospel of Thomas
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