Once you leave him, you will realize that you are strong enough.
Bad relationships are like poison (like GW said). Once you get away and they start to leave your system, you realize that they were the source of your feeling of weakness. Your vulnerability. It's not until you get away and start to breathe fresh air again that you realize how toxic the environment was.
That's not to say that you won't feel sad and traumatized for a while. But realizing that you can indeed leave without vaporizing into nothingness is a very empowering thing once it hits you.
Leave him.
Good luck.
