Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedmedia
Thanks for responding, Borla. I isolated this sentence from your post because it brings up a relevant point. Often in these situations, it is an idea being proposed to the person breaking up - as advice - as if it is something they have to do to move on even if they don't particularly feel like it. But what the person can expect to gain from it is never explained.
And I would like to add that recent conversations here only inspired this thread because I have heard this advice repeated over and over again, not only in conversation, but in popular culture, as well - movies, tv, music. It's a pretty pervasive idea. So I am not singling out anyone here in particular for suggesting it. In case anyone is wondering.
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Well, to answer your original question about if men feel ready, I'll tell you about a good buddy of mine. He is in his early 40s, average to slightly above average looking, makes just at $100-110k/yr with a stable career, he owns his own home, and was recently divorced. His wife of 7-8 years decided she wanted to be single again. No one cheated, the divorce was fairly drama free, but it was almost completely her decision. Everyone and their brother told him to go out and nail every woman that came along. To be honest, he almost has. I bet he's been through 12-15 casual partners in the last year, and a few more that he's sporadically seen with more regularity. I have met several of the girls, and most were physically attractive with relatively stable lives, so it's not like he's picking up random train wrecks at bars every weekend. Some are successful businesswomen around his age that are in very good shape, others have been girls 15 years younger than him that are physically attractive. He is also one of those guys that puts himself out there relentlessly (both in person, and through use of online dating sites) and doesn't get his feelings hurt if he's rejected, so he's had lots of chances. Combine that with his personal circumstances, relatively minor level of baggage (one daughter from a previous relationship that is 19-20 and lives on her own), and a decent personality and I'd suppose a lot of women would consider him a catch. A lot of guys would immediately think "now that's the life!!"
But through the whole thing he's made it clear to me that he'd be much happier still married, and that he didn't want to be divorced in the first place. I think, as it was touched on earlier, it's more a defense mechanism to prove one is still attractive and worthy more than a real desire to be with someone else. And while he's enjoying some temporary benefit to his circumstances, in serious moments even he will admit he's just making the best of a situation he'd rather not be in.