Plan9

See, I can't.

I’ve never been as good for me as someone else. Chinese food satisfaction. And that's important here. While I might be able to masturbate furiously and climax quickly without any pressure looking at a naked stranger on a 17" LCD screen, it isn't nearly as toe-curling good as sex with a real hot and wild woman. I’d imagine all those women buzzing away under the sheets before their boyfriend gets home are thinking the same damn thing as the guys: "I just want to get off because I don't have the time/energy for real sex tonight." The means to the end is different, but it’s the same goddamn end. Nobody needs porn/vibrators to get off (at least not in the realm of normal/healthy), but it is, respectively, how men and women seem to prefer to do it.

That's the hardest part about porn to explain to people that "don't get it." Maybe their sex drive is low to the point that regular sex with their partner is all they need. I wish I was like that. I wake up like the beginning to The 40 Year Old Virgin almost every day and lemme tell ya: It’s really kinda brutal tucking a throbbing erection under the heavy metal buckle of a gun belt. I've had girlfriends that detailed their almost nightly masturbation habits to me via instant messenger and at no point did I see it as a negative. I wonder why it's so dirty/wrong for men to masturbate and why it causes so many sexual dysfunction issues yet it is still super rawr-some for girls to diddle the bean? What a bizarre 180 flip of old school Victorian bullshit.

Masturbation, for me, is about as satisfying as flossing. While that might make my dentist really happy if I just leave it at that, let me explain that I’m referring to that mindless quick release again. It’s completely natural (even monkeys do it), healthy (exercise out the old prostate), and inevitable (I’m around my partner maybe two months a year). I haven't had any sexual dysfunction issues aside from trying to explain porn to some of my partners.

I don't know where I was going with this but I'm tired of people blaming things for their problems instead of being responsible for their habits.

Gambling, booze, slamming your motorcycle up to 150 on the freeway, eating too many goddamn cookies... own your problems, says Dr. Phil.

So, yeah, I'm going to go masturbate again.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."