Quote:
Originally Posted by jameshide
Anyway Im at this point that I want to break away from this behavior. I know its twisted. I would even like to quit smoking myself, but this facination that stems to being 5 or 6 years old just consumes me. I dont know how to break it or what to do. So I thought I would post here and see what kind of advice I get. Now I know I am going to get attacked a lot, and feel free to, but know up front I find such things funny and will just laugh about it, your not going to hurt my feelings as I have never really cared what people think about me. I would love some real advice however.
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Since my childhood I had a fetish that I indulged for the longest time and it caused me a great deal of internal conflict. In the grand scheme of things, it really wasn't that serious, but because it went so far back it caused such shame in me that I pretty much never opened up to anyone because I simply didn't feel good enough for anyone.
This dark little thorn later manifested into a long cycle of sever depression and it really wasn't until last year that I finally did something about it after having a near nervous break down.
That little fetish, that cause of so much internal conflict, is something I have accepted or am at least choosing to not walk away from entirely. I accept it for what it is, I accept it has caused no one harm (though would be deeply embarrassing to explain if caught), and have learned ways to control my impulses and behavior to suite what I think is acceptable. And staying true to yourself is very important if you're going to have any chance.
Habits of the mind are extremely hard to break, and it takes a lot of work, but it can be done. The kicker is it really is up to you to stop, it really is up to you to work out what compromise you can make with yourself.
While this might give my anonymity away, last year, In an effort regain the head space I needed to get better, I gave up porn. I went two months without it, and you know what, it really wasn't that hard. The thing you have to remember is that you
can change your behavior, it's just up to you to make the choice.
But don't beat yourself up if you slip up though, like I said, bad habits of the mind die fucking hard. But you have the power and ability to change, it's just up to you is all.
I don't know if any of that helps, if you'd like I can PM you and have a much more frank discussion on how I've managed my own fetish and demons. But it is something you can manage man.