Oh, good... the cliche breakup advice has made its way into another generic-but-useful TFP thread! I was a little worried TFP wouldn't meme it up.
Check it out:
Time does not heal all wounds. You heal your wounds by doing the
right things to fix them. And wounds leave scars. Learn from the scars. Don't stare at them. And don't pick at them. Don't second guess how you got them. Don't use them as a crutch or to be a dick to other women.
And don't forget them.
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Recovery? It's going to suck. And then it's going to get better. But only if you let it get better. Keep yourself moving forward.
Usual Doesn't-Help-the-Feeling-but-Works Super Cliche Advice:
- Cut all contact (including Facebook, cellphone, etc.) and
know that there is no closure
- Hit the gym to avoid the sad sack slump (keep yourself busy in a productive manner)
- Focus on developing yourself, being happy by yourself (friends, hobbies, travel, sports)
- If you're into no strings attached sex w/ a friend-with-benefits, it may work for you
- Read the thousand posts on TFP similar to this one (including one of my first posts)
No, seriously, check out all the other posts about heartbroken guys that getting over a girl. You're totally not alone, bro.
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Now, more specifically:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tusko
i've never really had serious heartbreak before. i know i could certainly be worse, but i can't shake this persistent feeling of sadness, frustration, regret, betrayal etc.
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It'll fade if you let it. Avoid staring at old photos, going through holiday cards and that shoebox with all the dreams and memories shit. It'll eat your soul. It's guess it is okay to keep those things, but only if you're remembering good times, not emo limp-wrist stabbing yourself with the dagger of woe.
My advice would be to throw them out. Nothing is more liberating than taking a year's worth of pictures and tossing them.
The thing that you miss is never coming back. There really is no point to keeping old shit.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tusko
the idea of loving another does not appeal to me right now, as my mind and heart are still wrapped around loving her and her ways. i can certainly see myself loving someone very much like her.
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And that's okay. After being with various partners, I've refined my criteria for what I need (gotta have) and prefer. You need the mileage to know the road you wanna travel. Use this experience as a way to make sure your next partner is just as good, if not better, for you based on your needs.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tusko
and as for sex, i've thought often about just random sex. i've slept with another (we were discussing being each others rebound/person to complain to and decided we should just bang) and i enjoyed it certainly, she's skillful and enthusiastic- but it was not love making. i need some time to retune my libido back to voraciously pussy seeking, instead of in the love-making mentality.
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But it doesn't have to be. When the generic advice is hit the gym, people often say it's for a physical release. Hardcore monkey lovin' is just as good, if not better (I'll take a nice hard fuck over the squat rack any day). I fail to see how "love making" and some horny crotch slamming are any different. The types of things you do before and afterward might be different (cuddling, talking about chores, etc.), but the act itself is kinda similar, in my experience. But I'm not down with Kama Sutra shit, I "come alive in the house that screams." As stated in that car sales comedy,
["Making love is fucking boring."]
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tusko
i realize this is a pretty average, or at least common thing... but i still look back on the first girl i kissed with a bit of bittersweet memory- i don't know how this period (referring to the past 2-3 years we were together) will affect me down the road. will i always feel a bit of sadness, frustration, regret, betrayal etc?
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Well, you should eventually look back and go, "Well, it was good while it lasted." That'll fade, too. More time and new things makes strangers of lovers.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tusko
will i always be in love with her?
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Hopefully not. You'll put it on the shelf next to other things come and gone. Not to say that I don't miss some of my former partners, but it isn't causing "Love Hurts" to play whenever I enter the room. The ad nauseum advice is to use all this stuff to make a better you for yourself and for the next girl.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tusko
is it common to completely forget or release the mistakes from the past and have them have no baring on your future countenance?
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Not unless you're Leonard Shelby or some type of hardcore drug addict.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tusko
will the idea of whatever jerkoff she's dating now, ejaculating inside of her ever stop bothering me? like seriously, him busting loads in her (she just started taking the pill shortly before we broke up) makes me wanna bash my head against a wall.
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Natural feeling, but we don't own other people. Certainly not our intimate partners. I don't get the sexual jealously / ownership thing. I certainly hope my former lovers are getting railed in the alternate love canal all the time... because they like it. No point being a controlling dick (literally). It's okay to miss the sex. I miss the sex all the time. But some day soon you'll have, as our Lord and Savior UsTwo always says, "New Pussy."
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tusko
do people ever reconcile these things with themselves? or is it just one of those things that you carry with you through life, a dark corner that comes out every now and again? i want someone in my life, but i don't want someone to be turned off my baggage.
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Only you can fix yourself. You might think about your former lover in the future, but
how you think about it will change.