Tusko

i've never really had serious heartbreak before.

i know i could cerainly be worse, but i can't shake this persistent feeling of sadness, frustration, regret, betrayal etc.

the idea of loving another does not appeal to me right now, as my mind and heart are still wrapped around loving her and her ways. i can certainly see myself loving someone very much like her.

and as for sex, i've thought often about just random sex. i've slept with another (we were discussing being each others rebound/person to complain to and decided we should just bang) and i enjoyed it certainly, she's skillful and enthusiastic- but it was not love making.

i need some time to retune my libido back to voraciously pussy seeking, instead of in the love-making mentality.

i realize this is a pretty average, or at least common thing... but i still look back on the first girl i kissed with a bit of bittersweet memory- i don't know how this period (referring to the past 2-3 years we were together) will affect me down the road.


will i always feel a bit of sadness, frustration, regret, betrayal etc?

will i always be in love with her?

is it common to completely forget or release the mistakes from the past and have them have no baring on your future countenance?

will the idea of whatever jerkoff she's dating now, ejaculating inside of her ever stop bothering me?
like seriously, him busting loads in her (she just started taking the pill shortly before we broke up) makes me wanna bash my head against a wall.

do people ever reconcile these things with themselves? or is it just one of those things that you carry with you through life, a dark corner that comes out every now and again? i want someone in my life, but i don't want someone to be turned off my baggage.