Hello everyone!
Here's the story. My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over two years now. I'm twenty, and he's twenty-one.
Recently my laptop had been in the shop, and my boyfriend was sweet enough to let me use his laptop for a paper I was working on. Once I finished the paper, I emailed it to myself and then moved it to his Recycle Bin. When I was about to clear the Recycle Bin, I noticed there were other things with it and opened it up so my boyfriend could see if he wanted anything that was still in it. This is when I saw some pictures of my friends, some of his exes, and my roommate. I asked him for an explanation, and he came clean and admitted that he had pictures saved on his computer of those girls to masturbate to.
This all happened about two weeks ago. I tried to explain to him how much it hurts me (and weirds me out, frankly). He doesn't like that I'm upset, but he's not sorry, and he doesn't see anything wrong with it. I don't care if he masturbates and looks at porn, just not of pictures he knows in real life. He's told me these girls don't mean anything to him, and I KNOW he loves me. I asked him to delete them, and he won't. When I asked him why, he was extremely angry and said "because I don't want to." I feel like if these girls/their pictures didn't mean anything to him, and the pictures are really just an easy fantasy, why won't he delete them?
Our sex life is healthy, and I try to ask him now and then if there's anything I can do to spice it up, etc. I asked him the pictures had anything to do with him not being satisfied, and he said our sex life was great.
I feel bad I came across the pictures in the first place, but it really was just a coincidence.
I don't want to break up with him, but I have to admit, this is a huge blow to my self-esteem. I guess I'm mostly just confused about the situation, and I don't know how to handle it either.