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I was recently reminded (by something work-related) of a poster that my mother hung in her kitchen for about 10 years. It said "90% of your message comes from tone of voice." It was there to remind my brother and I what the main source of our friction was - pissing each other off.
Suzz, you're blaming Shadow for enouraging you to make sure your daughter knows ALL her options. I realize that you're frustrated and lashing out at people, but the fault that this backfired on you lies only with you and your daughter. I'm not saying that to be mean but to hopefully get you to realize that you have to try harder to control the situation.
Look, you are in no way in an enviable situation, but this isn't the end of the world and it isn't the worst thing that ever happened to anyone. Neither your daughter's nor your life is ruined. Things are going to necessarily be different but that's not to say it's going to be bad.
I suggest that you sit down and write out your points for the next "big discussion" and stick to them. Be as emotionless as possible. Don't get angry, don't get frustrated and try to answer any questions as truthfully and calmly as possible. If you can, do this with both of them. You don't have to be happy about the situation but you do have a responsibility to not make it worse.
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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo
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