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What would actually happen, if you appeared at her place more often? Would things be worse? Do you go there at all?
You usually get that kind of behaviour from mothers or mother-in-laws... maybe there is a need for her to show she can cope taking care of a child and surely her bad experiences influence on her current behaviour. I hope your daughter enjoys her visits though and maybe she is part of helping your sis-in-law get over her losses, this being just a temporary phase in life.
I know it's hard, but could you try to accept her faults and try to show your acceptance towards her more openly?
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