Quote:
Originally Posted by noodle
Everyone fits in a personality disorder of some kind if you look hard enough. They can only be diagnosed by a professional and they're dangerous labels because there isn't much treatement for them. We're all histrionic, narcissistic, borderline... you name it.
Sound like this woman has some serious boundary issues. You've got to pick your battles with your wife and set limits with the crazy lady. Which will be difficult. But labeling people is likely to cause more problems. You married into the crazy... now you're going to have to deal. You might need to sit down with your wife an have an open conversation about your feelings, should the time present itself, and if this isn't successful, you might just have to accept it.
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I really like this approach. I'm usually trying not to give labels. I know though, that some people get help, if they get diagnosed and therapy. They might not see there's a problem though, so they don't feel the need to seek help and would get offended, when it's suggested to them. And then the problem may be just the others not being tolerant enough, go figure...
I rather avoid people, I can't get along with. The case with someone you have to see often, like family, is more difficult. Like the poster above says, the first thing might be to try to make arrangements with your wife.
At work we had a case a bit like this. I work in an open plan office with up to 10 people in the evenings. When two certain women were on shifts together, their manners would start to annoy everyone. They talked loud all the time and usually mocking other co-workers, who weren't present. I would call the other one a bit narcissist, but both of them seemed to have a lot of stress.
If someone complained straight to them about their behaviour, it would become worse and they defended their right to be the way they want to be. Finally several complaints to the management from different people paid off - the other woman was transferred to day shift and when the other woman is alone in the evening, she won't be a problem.