Quote:
Originally Posted by Cimarron29414
Suzz04,
I'm just going to say it: Your daughter is not equipped to raise a child successfully. She lacks the maturity, the income, the patience. If she doesn't adopt this child out AT BIRTH, you are going to raise it. Period. That's the only decision you need to make: "Am I willing to raise this child, or not?" You do have a say-so.
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That's not only not fair but not "always" true.
I was pregnant at 15, and my first child was born 33 days after my 16th birthday.
No, I was not mature enough to have a child at that age. And I'm not one to cheer on teenagers to get knocked up, but... I did just fine. I struggled hard. I was scared to death, but I had a loving supportive "single mother" to help me. I grew up really really fast. There is something that happens to you maturity wise when you hold a newborn baby in your arms and you know that you created that life and you are responsible for that life.
I wont say it was easy because it wasn't. I did not finish high school, but I did go back to school when she was old enough to go to preschool. I got my GED and then a few years later after having a second daughter, went to college and got my Accounting degree. I worked several part time jobs during those years to make ends meet without having to go on state assistance. And I moved out with my first daughter when I was eighteen. She is now almost 28 and is a thriving productive member of society. She graduated high school and has a great job that she loves. Neither of my girls went on to have babies at a young age, they are both in their 20's and I'm still not a grandma (yay!)
Raising a child when being only a child myself was hard. I had a bit of time where I felt like I had been cheated out of my youth, but that didn't last long. I made the decision to have the baby and I knew I had to get my shit together quick.
Suzz, you wont know until the time comes how she'll respond to the child. Although, I'm pretty sure you know what type of person your daughter is and whether or not she'll feel a connection to her baby will be the biggest deciding factor on how things progress from there. There will probably be times where she goes and goofs off instead of being home doing what she's supposed to be doing because, yes we are not mature enough at that age to handle that type of responsibility. But I KNOW that some of us come around a lot earlier than others.
As for how to cope, I wish my mother was still here so I could ask her for advice for you but she's not. I remember her being angry and all the emotions you expressed. And I remember her resigning to the fact of what was to come and then showing me her excitement. I remember feeling horribly ashamed and masking it with the laughs and "I don't care attitude" and I remember feeling so much better and at ease when she came to me to show me things she had picked out of the Sears catalog to buy for my still unborn child. The feeling of her accepting me in that moment did more for my self esteem and I can do this attitude than anything else.
Just try to support her as much as you can, and remember if you're a strong mother then you've already taught her how to be one as well.
I hope this helps some.