Plan9

So, yeah, time to talk to myself about myself:

I've reread this line a couple of times and I've gotta ask: Is TFP that bad? After considering your issue, I can’t see how anybody would think less of you as a person. Relationships aren’t a science and the regret monster is formidable. Granted, I can’t really trash my reputation anymore than I already have and you may actually have something to lose.

It sounds like you got engaged because you were following a natural progression in your right-here-too-much relationship. I've been in a similar spot, just reversed. My exwife pushed to get married. She wanted me because I was reliable, ready to settle down (whatever that means) and we really clicked on cute-but-useless couple things at first. Like taste in furniture and kinky sex practices. The problem with rushing into things is that as well as you think you know the other person, you don’t. No amount of good times can prepare you for bad times. No amount of days spent together can make up for years. And you haven’t let the crazy chemicals wear off so you’re sober enough to examine your potential compatibility down the road a few years. The problem with most good is relationships isn't a lack of compatibility, it's a lack of compromise. Recognize the flaws in the other person, recognize the flaws in yourself and if that math is something you can live with, you're not going to be wondering too much about other girls.

Good and comfortable… like practical and utilitarian. This is how you describe a lug wrench or a snuggie, not a female partner. I've done that, too. I treated my partners like office equipment, like kitchen appliances, like things without feelings. They told me I wasn’t romantic, that I was treating them like a coworker that I got to fuck during lunch break. I was confused and my response never went well for me. After a few breakups related to that (and awesome surprise infidelity), I’m starting to get it. And overcompensate for it at full retard level. I can't stop myself. I feel like I'm working off bad karma for a girl that doesn't even remember my name. So, yeah, if you get nothing out of my bullshit response here, remember to learn your lessons in moderation, too. Temper your guilt with common sense. Just because you didn’t buy your last girlfriend flowers enough doesn’t mean you need to buy the next one fancy lingerie, a Cadillac, a trip to Hawaii, other game show prizes that sink your bank account like the Titanic.

Oops.

Be honest, was it really her or simply the idea that another person was living with you and you had history with them?

Was she a partner or a warm body?

*car wreck noise* Here’s your problem, chief. Long distance relationships are about as satisfying as eating Chinese food with a pair of sewing needles.

Yeah, novelty is a helluva drug. And now you’re going back to that damn history thing. Your name is Leonard Shelby, bro: You have to make new memories. In my more dickish self-headshrinker moments, I would take the new girlfriend to places the old girlfriend went, did things that I did with the old girlfriend with the new girlfriend so I could attempt to overwrite the old good memories with new good memories. It worked. I'm just glad that I never got called out on it. I wouldn't have had a good answer.

Oh, that hurts. Yeah, there is no closure. You don’t get it in life. People don’t go, “Hey, it was good while it lasted. See ya.” It's a plane crash. The nicknames and noises and habits and all the things they did that occupied your life that you became so used to are gone. You're needlessly beating on yourself playing half-ass stalker with her Facebook. You have to let her go or you won't heal.

She’s better in every way except history. And you need to work on that. You can’t move forward looking backward.

Don't twist a knife in your own back, bro. It's really unhealthy. I seem to catch myself doing it for months after a breakup and have to stop myself by blunt force trauma. It’s why I’m a serial monogamist, I suppose. I can’t get over the last person without occupying myself with the next person. It isn’t healthy but I don’t know how else to do it without feeling like I'm screwing disposable strangers like some kind of animal. I probably need more hobbies.

It happens. You don’t have to be happy about your decision; you just have to believe it was the better choice. Good medicine usually tastes like shit, right? Wow. Writing stuff like this kinda hurts. In a “Wow, I sure learned a lot over the last decade. Not.” kinda way. And I’m not even drunk.

...

Eh, this isn't really what I wanted to say but it'll have to do. I hope some aspect of my poorly-written Rollins poo proves to be useful.

I don't think somebody like me should be respond anyway. I'm another boozer at the AA meeting of relationships, not a counselor.

...

TL;DR: Life is a compromise. You can't always get what you want. There is no closure. Love the one you're with or GTFO.

So, Anon, whoever you are, know you’re not alone. There are plenty of idiots out there doing the exact same thing.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."