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Anonymous Member · 11-04-2010, 12:46 PM

In hopes of generating more traffic and discussion on this forum, I thought I'd write something about my recent experiences. I'd rather post anonymously as to allow myself the freedom to write without becoming encumbered by what people may think of me.

Skip to the bottom if you want to TL;DR.

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I've recently come out of a relationship--and a really good one too. We cohabited for approximately 6 months before she had to move away. I also had to go away for my job, and during that time, we'd write to each other. However, somewhere along the way, the 'spark' that we had vanished. Although to be honest, there never was much spark for me--I recognized she was good for me and she liked me for me. She wanted the relationship a lot more than I did and consequently she put in a lot more work. I reasoned everything out, that this was a healthy relationship and she told me she'd be there for me no matter what. For many reasons that I'd rather not delve in to, we got engaged. (In hindsight I probably rushed in to it.)

It was a good and very comfortable relationship.

However, after being apart for a while, I realized my feelings changed. Because we were engaged, I pushed the feeling aside. I still cared a lot about her and just knowing she was there really gave me strength. We would talk and all that, but we were both busy in our respective lives.

Somewhere along the line, another woman got involved, and although I did not cheat on my then fiance, I ended up breaking up with my fiance, and dating this new girl. This new girl is long distance too, but a lot closer than my ex-fiance.

I traveled to see this new girl, and we had a great weekend. It was a lot of fun and I ended up *feeling* like I was in love with this new girl. However, now that the 'honey-moon' phase has gone, I find myself questioning what I did, a lot.

Sometimes, I find myself overcome with guilt. Other times, I find myself thinking about my ex-fiance and hoping that she's doing well. Too often, I'll think of the small things she did (like looking *extremely* happy when she ate [by god i loved feeding her], or, flapping her arms when I'd call her by her nickname).

Still I'm relatively happy with my new girl, too. She's ambitious in ways my ex-fiance was not. She's more worldly, and better educated. She's incredibly organized and is more urbane. They're both very pretty--but I suppose the one thing that she does not have, is the foundation and memories I had built with my fiance.

The other day, I forced myself to look at my fiance's facebook profile and found myself feeling dizzy and sad and guilty all at once. Wondering and hoping that she was doing well. I knew that if I really let myself feel how much I missed her, I would have begun to cry--but I pushed that feeling away.

I'm on a self-created emotional rollercoaster, and am often unsure of my decision.
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So here is my question: Have you ever broken up with someone to get with someone new? Does that result in skewed expectations (i.e., this new relationship should be better than the last one.)? Have you felt guilty about it? Did you consider it the right decision? Do you ever find yourself in a state of mercurial love--loving one person, then another, and bouncing in between not sure what you really want?

11-04-2010, 12:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
Anonymous Member Addict	Mercurial Love In hopes of generating more traffic and discussion on this forum, I thought I'd write something about my recent experiences. I'd rather post anonymously as to allow myself the freedom to write without becoming encumbered by what people may think of me. Skip to the bottom if you want to TL;DR. =========================== I've recently come out of a relationship--and a really good one too. We cohabited for approximately 6 months before she had to move away. I also had to go away for my job, and during that time, we'd write to each other. However, somewhere along the way, the 'spark' that we had vanished. Although to be honest, there never was much spark for me--I recognized she was good for me and she liked me for me. She wanted the relationship a lot more than I did and consequently she put in a lot more work. I reasoned everything out, that this was a healthy relationship and she told me she'd be there for me no matter what. For many reasons that I'd rather not delve in to, we got engaged. (In hindsight I probably rushed in to it.) It was a good and very comfortable relationship. However, after being apart for a while, I realized my feelings changed. Because we were engaged, I pushed the feeling aside. I still cared a lot about her and just knowing she was there really gave me strength. We would talk and all that, but we were both busy in our respective lives. Somewhere along the line, another woman got involved, and although I did not cheat on my then fiance, I ended up breaking up with my fiance, and dating this new girl. This new girl is long distance too, but a lot closer than my ex-fiance. I traveled to see this new girl, and we had a great weekend. It was a lot of fun and I ended up feeling like I was in love with this new girl. However, now that the 'honey-moon' phase has gone, I find myself questioning what I did, a lot. Sometimes, I find myself overcome with guilt. Other times, I find myself thinking about my ex-fiance and hoping that she's doing well. Too often, I'll think of the small things she did (like looking extremely happy when she ate [by god i loved feeding her], or, flapping her arms when I'd call her by her nickname). Still I'm relatively happy with my new girl, too. She's ambitious in ways my ex-fiance was not. She's more worldly, and better educated. She's incredibly organized and is more urbane. They're both very pretty--but I suppose the one thing that she does not have, is the foundation and memories I had built with my fiance. The other day, I forced myself to look at my fiance's facebook profile and found myself feeling dizzy and sad and guilty all at once. Wondering and hoping that she was doing well. I knew that if I really let myself feel how much I missed her, I would have begun to cry--but I pushed that feeling away. I'm on a self-created emotional rollercoaster, and am often unsure of my decision. ====================================================== So here is my question: Have you ever broken up with someone to get with someone new? Does that result in skewed expectations (i.e., this new relationship should be better than the last one.)? Have you felt guilty about it? Did you consider it the right decision? Do you ever find yourself in a state of mercurial love--loving one person, then another, and bouncing in between not sure what you really want?