Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Jinn · 10-20-2010, 07:58 AM

"Unconditional love" goes down in my brain with "soulmates" and "undying love" and "God" and "happily ever after" in the category of "wishful thinking." It'd be great if we had an all-loving Father who wanted the best for us and gave us lessons and answered our prayers and if we could find someone who was truly matched for us on souls and with whom we could love perfectly without conditions for eternity.

Turns out, life is a hell of a lot more gritty than that. Rape, spousal abuse, changing personalities, emotional blackmail, infidelity, MONEY CONCERNS, character flaws discovered late and even mental disorders (schizophrenia, for example) don't happen in Disney Princess / fairy-tale God / unconditional love land. Anyone who says they can love without conditions is lying to themselves, just like someone who earnestly believes they have a soulmate or an invisible sky daddy.

I even have to object to Charlatan's 'unconditional love' for his children. I won't question HIS, particularly, but there are certainly conditions under which even the most stalwart parent will lose their love. There are stories of grieving mothers begging the court for forgiveness for their serial killer children even staring in the faces of the dead victims families, but exceptions do not make the rule. Their love would largely seem to be a mental disorder, to me.

This opinion is naturally unpopular, because everyone thinks they're a unique snowflake who somehow loves stronger than everyone else, and I'm usually inundated with people saying "ooh, not me! I love unconditionally!." See above about lying to yourself. You don't realize just how conditional love is until its terrible and you're 1 month post-divorce. Then suddenly it seems clear. Love deludes you into thinking it is more permanent and perfect than it really is.

P.S., not jaded, just realistic. Happily dating the same lady for half a decade now.

10-20-2010, 07:58 AM	#22 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	"Unconditional love" goes down in my brain with "soulmates" and "undying love" and "God" and "happily ever after" in the category of "wishful thinking." It'd be great if we had an all-loving Father who wanted the best for us and gave us lessons and answered our prayers and if we could find someone who was truly matched for us on souls and with whom we could love perfectly without conditions for eternity. Turns out, life is a hell of a lot more gritty than that. Rape, spousal abuse, changing personalities, emotional blackmail, infidelity, MONEY CONCERNS, character flaws discovered late and even mental disorders (schizophrenia, for example) don't happen in Disney Princess / fairy-tale God / unconditional love land. Anyone who says they can love without conditions is lying to themselves, just like someone who earnestly believes they have a soulmate or an invisible sky daddy. I even have to object to Charlatan's 'unconditional love' for his children. I won't question HIS, particularly, but there are certainly conditions under which even the most stalwart parent will lose their love. There are stories of grieving mothers begging the court for forgiveness for their serial killer children even staring in the faces of the dead victims families, but exceptions do not make the rule. Their love would largely seem to be a mental disorder, to me. This opinion is naturally unpopular, because everyone thinks they're a unique snowflake who somehow loves stronger than everyone else, and I'm usually inundated with people saying "ooh, not me! I love unconditionally!." See above about lying to yourself. You don't realize just how conditional love is until its terrible and you're 1 month post-divorce. Then suddenly it seems clear. Love deludes you into thinking it is more permanent and perfect than it really is. P.S., not jaded, just realistic. Happily dating the same lady for half a decade now. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel Last edited by Jinn; 10-20-2010 at 08:02 AM..