Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Brother died

lurkette · 06-15-2003, 04:51 PM

My brother was 25 (I'm 30) and just died a few months ago. He had a hard life - a genetic condition that made him look different, he was genius smart in a hick town, and had a dysfunctional relationship with our dad. But he had finally found a place where he fit in, and he was happy. He was a skateboarder (pretty good one) and computer geek, working as a web tech for a skateboard company in LA. He was skateboarding late at night and was hit by a car. He had a head injury, and I rushed out to LA with my mom to be with him in the ICU, but he caught pneumonia and died 2 weeks later without ever regaining consciousness. I was there when he "coded" and told him it was ok to go, and told the doctors to stop working on him. He would never have wanted to be a vegetable, and that's how bad it had gotten.

I miss him so much. We were both on AIM at work all day and would communicate that way regularly. We were pretty close, and had really gotten to the point where we just understood each other without having to even talk about anything.

I had no problem being strong while he was in the hospital, or even afterward dealing with all the memorial service stuff and putting his affairs in order. But now I'm just kind of a basket case. I am either crying, or spaced out, or cranky, or just numb. I'm starting to enjoy some activities, but mostly I just want to sleep or eat or do something to make my brain shut up. This has kind of put some distance between me and my husband, which is like a second loss. We were so close before, and now I feel bad I don't pay as much attention to him as I wish I did, and I'm just not really able to be there for him.

Has anybody else lost someone? How long does it take before you feel "normal" again? I know things will never go back to the way they were before - there'll always be this big hole where he was - but how long before I feel like myself again? Will I EVER feel like myself again? How should I relate to my husband so he understands what I'm going through, and that it's not personal if I don't pay as much attention to him as I used to?

06-15-2003, 04:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Brother died - how long till I'll feel ok? My brother was 25 (I'm 30) and just died a few months ago. He had a hard life - a genetic condition that made him look different, he was genius smart in a hick town, and had a dysfunctional relationship with our dad. But he had finally found a place where he fit in, and he was happy. He was a skateboarder (pretty good one) and computer geek, working as a web tech for a skateboard company in LA. He was skateboarding late at night and was hit by a car. He had a head injury, and I rushed out to LA with my mom to be with him in the ICU, but he caught pneumonia and died 2 weeks later without ever regaining consciousness. I was there when he "coded" and told him it was ok to go, and told the doctors to stop working on him. He would never have wanted to be a vegetable, and that's how bad it had gotten. I miss him so much. We were both on AIM at work all day and would communicate that way regularly. We were pretty close, and had really gotten to the point where we just understood each other without having to even talk about anything. I had no problem being strong while he was in the hospital, or even afterward dealing with all the memorial service stuff and putting his affairs in order. But now I'm just kind of a basket case. I am either crying, or spaced out, or cranky, or just numb. I'm starting to enjoy some activities, but mostly I just want to sleep or eat or do something to make my brain shut up. This has kind of put some distance between me and my husband, which is like a second loss. We were so close before, and now I feel bad I don't pay as much attention to him as I wish I did, and I'm just not really able to be there for him. Has anybody else lost someone? How long does it take before you feel "normal" again? I know things will never go back to the way they were before - there'll always be this big hole where he was - but how long before I feel like myself again? Will I EVER feel like myself again? How should I relate to my husband so he understands what I'm going through, and that it's not personal if I don't pay as much attention to him as I used to?