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Thank you for that.

Okay, so here's the latest: I flipped my lid Friday night at work (not at her, but at my security team), and was so disappointed in myself for doing so that I didn't say a word to her or anyone else on Saturday. When she went home that night, I started to feel bad for ignoring her, so I sent her a message apologizing. I did not receive a response. So I spent some time thinking about her, and I think I realized something about her that makes sense of it all.

First, I took a few factors into consideration. The nails, the hair weaves, the cheap jewelry.. her great desire to be a stay-at-home mom with a husband who takes care of the family.. her fascination with the idea of children, marriage, homemaking.. her blatant male trust issues.. her history of relationships with older, somewhat dull and derogative, financially well-off 'gentlemen'.. her tendancy to angrily reject courting gestures from men who don't fit that description..

I put all of that together in my mind for a second and remembered something she told me a long time ago: she never had a father. Never had a dad, stepdad, uncle, older brother.. no male role model in her life whatsoever. Then it hit me: she must be looking for a man to fill that hole in her life. A man who will take care of her, show her 'the way', etc.. essentially assume the role of the father she never had. I think she subconsciously wants a male role model in her life, and that's what her ideal lover would represent.

My aunt, for example, never knew her father, and eventually married an engineer 20 years older than her, had a family, and has been living happily for 8 years, even though he acts like a father towards her and generally undermines her like an authoritarian grandpa. One day she opened up to me about why she married this guy, and why she's happy with him. I remembered what she'd said, and then I did some research on father-daughter relationships, which went into detail about women who grow up without father figures. Of course, I'm not saying that this is true of all women who grow up without father figures, but my aunt has confessed it about herself, and it certainly seems to be the case with this girl at work.

I really think that's what I'm dealing with. I think she continues to behave this way around me because I never took it seriously, and never showed any interest in taking it further, so calling me her future husband, her baby-daddy, (etc) gives her a small outlet in which to excercise her longing for a husband. That said, she would never settle for me because I'm not the type of male role model that I believe she is searching for, seeing as how I'm 4 years younger than her, I make less than she does, I have a pretty cheap lifestyle, and I'm pretty bad when it comes to comforting people, given that I admittedly have some pretty stupid issues myself. As a matter of fact, I'd probably be the worst father ever.

So, even though I'm not the type of guy she's looking for, she continues to use me as this outlet because I play along with her without taking it personally, which is pretty unusual for a man (although it has everything to do with my own trust issues, meaning I'm basically a woman when it comes to relationships).

[This guy she spends so much time with (the one that she was ignoring when we went out drinking together and this whole situation took that emotional turn) is very well-off financially, stands about a foot taller/wider than me, and seems pretty boring in general, but also seems to be quite good at giving her that emotional outlet that she needs. He takes her to places/events I can't afford, he backs her up financially or directionally when she needs help, constantly gives her personal advice, and behaves as this sort of calm figure that counteracts her animated personality. Despite that they've apparently never had sex or made anything 'official', I think this is exactly the type of man she is looking for, and will eventually settle on.]

This makes my situation much easier; I really have no choice but to be her friend, and it feels great, even if it is just out of sympathy. No more stress. I know I could be completely wrong about the whole thing right now, but I doubt it. It makes perfect sense. Now I'm just as happy to be her friend, and to continue this little role-playing game of our's while she finds the guy who's right for her. I'm not hurt at all, as there are a million fish in the sea (as they say) and I've got another one on the line as we speak. I don't feel 'used' or 'played', although I'm not sure why I don't. As for the conversation we had on the phone (where she seemed to be insinuating 'feelings' for me), I'm just gonna have to assume that I completely misunderstood, and forget about it for my own sake. I don't think I even had any real 'feelings' for her until we had that conversation, which means I must be pretty desperate for a new relationship right now.

All that said, she now has only my utmost respect and sympathy. I knew there was something really odd about her, and now that I think I've a pretty good idea of why she is the way she is, I don't see us as anything more than friends. I support her on her journey all the way, even if it means merely being her play-toy at work.

Didn't expect it to conclude like this, but hell, coulda been a lot worse. No harm done.

***And I damn sure won't ever say any of this to her. Hell hath no fury like a black woman scorned.