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My perception of the scenario based on your words:
She's starting making time for herself and her interests. The result is that she is no longer able to take full responsibility for kid watching/chores, especially if it was something she used to take care of 100%.
The internal changes in building up yourself take time. She didn't get the opportunity to pursue some of these changes while she was unattached, and if she had you might not even be compatible now. Its the chance we take that we take whoever we're with as they are in that moment.
I second Lurkette's question regarding whether you have pursued counseling, either individually or together.
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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna
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