Hey TFP.
Last time I was here full time was when my ex-wife and I were splitting back in 2003. It was a really rough time and, despite everyone's warnings, I was adamant that she wasn't interested in anyone else and that I thought the marriage was salvageable. In the end it turned out she was seeing my best friend and that nothing was salvageable. The joke was on me. It was really rough on me for a while but in the end things turned out alright, thanks to a lot of new friends and my resilient heart.
I'm not so sure this time.
My wife and I met shortly before my divorce was finalized. I hadn't lived with my ex-wife in months and months and had little to no contact so it wasn't some sort of affair going on. I was living alone in the city and she had just returned from San Diego where she had cut her engagement off for many reasons. We were two hurt but hopeful souls looking to find love and a future despite our shared terrible experiences.
Flash forward 7 years and we have two great kids, a house in the suburbs, car, etc. And a looming divorce.
It's been building for a while. I was less aware of this than she apparently is but it's gotten to the point where we've separated and gotten back together a few times in the past 7 months and she can't do it anymore, so she wants a divorce and I'm in denial thinking that maybe we can still work things out. The major issues are me not spending enough time with the kids, not straightening up and generally making her feel like a maid. Now I of course don't intentionally do these things but it's how she feels nonetheless, I'm not anyone to tell her how she feels.
I desperately love her. I'm desperately in love with her. For the longest time she and I were incredible. Just the mounting pressure of time and kids and responsibilities and just LIFE has brought us past the breaking point and she's not willing or wanting to keep going down this path.
Just like the last time around, I don't suspect cheating. She's always been upfront about that. If she wanted to mess around on me, she would tell me that things were over because she wanted someone else and that would be that. Instead, she's telling me things are over because of my inability to change as well as her need to be alone, to work on herself.
She's been working on herself a lot lately. From getting her CNA to taking up running, she's making a lot of progress getting to a better place. A place where she can be happy. I'm just beyond sad that I won't be there once she arrives. We've been through so much over the past six and a half years, it's just impossible for me to imagine getting through the day to day without her. Knowing she's out there and being... well... herself.
We have a lot of work to do with scheduling how we're going to handle watching the kids and all that. They're only 2 and 4 so at least they won't be impacted too hard by this. Well not as hard as if they were older. There's also a lot of financial considerations as I'm the only source of income so she's going to be looking for a job in this horrible economy.
If you're married or engaged, all I can say is be so fucking careful. People change with time and what doesn't seem like a big deal today can turn into a deal breaker down the road. Constant vigilance and communication is how a marriage works, nothing lasts forever and thinking your marriage can is foolish.
I don't even know what the absolute point of this post is, I just wanted to air this out because we're not really telling anyone at this point and I don't have any close friends, lost those in the divorce 7 years ago. Be well, everyone. If you have love, hold onto it for dear life because it's fleeting and fragile.
