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Plan9 · 06-17-2010, 09:35 AM

No, this isn't a thread about flowers. I don't like flowers. Anything that costs that much and dies in less than a week should give blowjobs.

Anyway, this thread is about your cover story for why you took 9 years and 14 partners to finally get married. Or why you're still single.

...

For the purposes of this thread, "gravedressing" is the term coined for how one refers to their former significant others (whether positive or negative) when talking about them to other people such as their friends, family or new significant others. Think of it as the final step in ended relationship life cycle. After The Incident (realization of incompatibility in lifestyle or goals, major conflict such as distance issues, money problems, cheating, drugs or theft) comes the natural cycle of emotions such as whipped puppy denial, neck-stomping rage and great-now-I-have-to-start-over depression (or perhaps bliss). Gravedressing typically takes place after the relationship is said and done and the two individuals are on their own once again.

Example: I was married for a hot weekend once a few years ago. It didn't work out... I was on a short business trip out east and she was a horny hippie with poor impulse control. After all the anger and bitterness subsided (only took like 4 years), I realized that it was for the best that things didn't work out and that although she hurt me with her choices, I'm glad that it happened because I didn't want the kind of life she did. If it is brought up in conversation today I just say that I got divorced because she couldn't take the extended absences that my job at the time required. I don't refer to her as a cock-gargling harlot anymore and I figure that's progress. If for some reason I was teleported 800 miles and saw her on the street, I would greet her as an old friend. I had some good times with her and I don't regret any of it now that I am where I am in life and have some perspective. Sometimes I'll run into someone from a few years ago and they'll ask why I'm not wearing a ring anymore. "Eh, ya know... things just didn't work out."

Maybe I'm mellowing out in my old age but I've started to change my perspective on relationships a lot. Like Henry Rollins once said, strength isn't about being tough or cruel to people, it's about being laid back and taking what good you can from life. Sometimes my family or friends will knock a former partner and I'll actually find myself defending them. "Hey, they weren't that bad. They just had different goals." Letting go of all those bad vibes is like dropping a heavy rucksack. I feel so much more free. I'm not big on Dr. Phil feelings mumbojumbo, but forgiveness seems to work for me here.

Question: What do you think about this? How have you come to think of your former relationships as far as it relates to explaining them to others? Do you badmouth your former partners because they "deserve it" or do you forgive and forget? Any lessons learned? Funny stories?

06-17-2010, 09:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Gravedressing No, this isn't a thread about flowers. I don't like flowers. Anything that costs that much and dies in less than a week should give blowjobs. Anyway, this thread is about your cover story for why you took 9 years and 14 partners to finally get married. Or why you're still single. ... For the purposes of this thread, "gravedressing" is the term coined for how one refers to their former significant others (whether positive or negative) when talking about them to other people such as their friends, family or new significant others. Think of it as the final step in ended relationship life cycle. After The Incident (realization of incompatibility in lifestyle or goals, major conflict such as distance issues, money problems, cheating, drugs or theft) comes the natural cycle of emotions such as whipped puppy denial, neck-stomping rage and great-now-I-have-to-start-over depression (or perhaps bliss). Gravedressing typically takes place after the relationship is said and done and the two individuals are on their own once again. Example: I was married for a hot weekend once a few years ago. It didn't work out... I was on a short business trip out east and she was a horny hippie with poor impulse control. After all the anger and bitterness subsided (only took like 4 years), I realized that it was for the best that things didn't work out and that although she hurt me with her choices, I'm glad that it happened because I didn't want the kind of life she did. If it is brought up in conversation today I just say that I got divorced because she couldn't take the extended absences that my job at the time required. I don't refer to her as a cock-gargling harlot anymore and I figure that's progress. If for some reason I was teleported 800 miles and saw her on the street, I would greet her as an old friend. I had some good times with her and I don't regret any of it now that I am where I am in life and have some perspective. Sometimes I'll run into someone from a few years ago and they'll ask why I'm not wearing a ring anymore. "Eh, ya know... things just didn't work out." Maybe I'm mellowing out in my old age but I've started to change my perspective on relationships a lot. Like Henry Rollins once said, strength isn't about being tough or cruel to people, it's about being laid back and taking what good you can from life. Sometimes my family or friends will knock a former partner and I'll actually find myself defending them. "Hey, they weren't that bad. They just had different goals." Letting go of all those bad vibes is like dropping a heavy rucksack. I feel so much more free. I'm not big on Dr. Phil feelings mumbojumbo, but forgiveness seems to work for me here. Question: What do you think about this? How have you come to think of your former relationships as far as it relates to explaining them to others? Do you badmouth your former partners because they "deserve it" or do you forgive and forget? Any lessons learned? Funny stories? __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 06-17-2010 at 09:45 AM..