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Charlatan · 06-09-2010, 03:59 PM

I didn't want to get married. Sure, I wanted to commit to being with my girlfriend but I didn't want to get married per se.

At the time I saw the institution of marriage as completely stupid and dead thing. Both of us came from divorced families (and so did most of my friends). In addition to that, I had been to a number of wedding ceremonies and they were all the same, with the same odd traditions (many of which have been listed already). I felt absolutely no connection to these trappings and as I went to more and more weddings it felt like was re-living the same nightmare over and over again (or at least everyone was reading from the same check list).

I really hated it and vowed to never do it.

When I asked my wife "marry me" I did so by asking her to grow old with me. It was a commitment.

She wanted more. She wanted the dress and the day, BUT she also shared a lot of my opinions on the whole wedding thing. We decided that a wedding, when pared down to its essentials is an event where you, as a couple, declare your intentions to your friends and family and then you celebrate it.

We were going to do it our way or no way.

There would be no religion present (as a non-believer, I could not in good conscience make a vow to a deity in which I have no belief). There would be no marriage licence (we were already common law married in the eyes of the law, I saw no need to deal with the state on this). We would walk into the hall together to a piece of music of our choosing (the aria from La Wally). Instead of bits of scripture we asked a few friends to get up and say a few words. One sang a song. One read some poetry. Another read from Green, Eggs and Ham. My wife and I each said a few words about why we were there and then we were married.

We had about 100 friends and family there to witness. There was no garter or bouquet tossing nonsense. There was a first dance between the two of us but none of the usual father daughter, mother son stuff. In fact, we didn't have a wedding DJ (just a friend and a few crates of records). The MC was my wife's Dad and he kept his talking to a minimum. There were speeches but they were from those who wanted to say something.

If I was to do it all again, I would probably scaled it down even further and just have pizza and champagne in someone's backyard (in fact, that's what we did when we got re-married a few years ago).

I should mention that there was some friction from my wife's family when we first announce that we wouldn't be getting married in a church. He family is Religious. They have members of the Anglican clergy in the family. One branch of the family declined their invitation to attend. They went to another family wedding (a more traditional one) about a month later. That marriage lasted two weeks (really). We just celebrated 17 years.

06-09-2010, 03:59 PM	#22 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	I didn't want to get married. Sure, I wanted to commit to being with my girlfriend but I didn't want to get married per se. At the time I saw the institution of marriage as completely stupid and dead thing. Both of us came from divorced families (and so did most of my friends). In addition to that, I had been to a number of wedding ceremonies and they were all the same, with the same odd traditions (many of which have been listed already). I felt absolutely no connection to these trappings and as I went to more and more weddings it felt like was re-living the same nightmare over and over again (or at least everyone was reading from the same check list). I really hated it and vowed to never do it. When I asked my wife "marry me" I did so by asking her to grow old with me. It was a commitment. She wanted more. She wanted the dress and the day, BUT she also shared a lot of my opinions on the whole wedding thing. We decided that a wedding, when pared down to its essentials is an event where you, as a couple, declare your intentions to your friends and family and then you celebrate it. We were going to do it our way or no way. There would be no religion present (as a non-believer, I could not in good conscience make a vow to a deity in which I have no belief). There would be no marriage licence (we were already common law married in the eyes of the law, I saw no need to deal with the state on this). We would walk into the hall together to a piece of music of our choosing (the aria from La Wally). Instead of bits of scripture we asked a few friends to get up and say a few words. One sang a song. One read some poetry. Another read from Green, Eggs and Ham. My wife and I each said a few words about why we were there and then we were married. We had about 100 friends and family there to witness. There was no garter or bouquet tossing nonsense. There was a first dance between the two of us but none of the usual father daughter, mother son stuff. In fact, we didn't have a wedding DJ (just a friend and a few crates of records). The MC was my wife's Dad and he kept his talking to a minimum. There were speeches but they were from those who wanted to say something. If I was to do it all again, I would probably scaled it down even further and just have pizza and champagne in someone's backyard (in fact, that's what we did when we got re-married a few years ago). I should mention that there was some friction from my wife's family when we first announce that we wouldn't be getting married in a church. He family is Religious. They have members of the Anglican clergy in the family. One branch of the family declined their invitation to attend. They went to another family wedding (a more traditional one) about a month later. That marriage lasted two weeks (really). We just celebrated 17 years. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke Last edited by Charlatan; 06-09-2010 at 04:02 PM..