noodle

I work with death. At last count, I've worked in my current job with over 150 families.
We've lost more than 80 children. By we, I mean me. Children specific to my caseload.

Death is extremely personal or impersonal, based on who, what, how, when...
I've seen mothers with dying children go into hysterics over the neighbor's 20 year old
cat dying, but are completely unable to become emotional about their own kid's demise.

Personally, I intellectualize everything.
It's why I'm good at what I do.
These kids, this family member, whomever it is, is going to die whether I'm there or not.
I can help to make it a Good Death or not. It's going to happen.
I choose, when I can, to be there.
When it comes to grief, it's a whole 'nother ballgame.
I'm a wimp at many funerals. I bawl just like any other person.
But, I can also sit there and encourage people to process their grief in their own way,
help them verbalize, or give a hug, or just be present.
I'm really bad with my own grief. I get huge, violent sobs that take over my entire being.
Those are only the people that affected me greatly.
Other kids, I'm relieved for them. As are their families.
I love the celebration funerals... or the times after. And the bereavement ceremonies.
The process, not the sitting around and being sad.
I don't have a religious orientation, so the praying stuff doesn't work for me.
It makes me tremendously uncomfortable. But, that's just me.
Some people find incredible comfort in prayer.


The important thing to remember, though, is that there's really no
"wrong" way to grieve.

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