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I agree that it's pretty much okay in-community and not okay outside-community.
What about when someone in-community uses the words both ways, though? Years ago, an African-American commedian (I think it was Chris Rock, but don't quote me on that) did a bit about the differences between "niggas" and "Negros". Basically, the jist of his bit was that the "niggas" give "Negros" a bad name, and are pretty much the dregs and bad part of the black community.
I've also had gay friends that use the word "fag" as endearing between friends but also as a put down for people they felt gave their community a bad name.
Another example would be me telling my good friend she's 'such a bitch' and us laughing together, and then us turning around and calling some female we actually don't like a bitch and meaning it in an entirely different, negative way.
Obviously, there can be different meanings of many words, but does that make it okay? Does it just confuse those around these communities? I do not know... but I can't say I don't participate.
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