dunno if it's been here before, so plz don't shoot me if it has
The Gripe Sheet
After every Quantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during flight that need repair or correction.
The form used is a piece of paper on which the pilot completes the
top part listing the problem, which the mechanics read and then
respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action
was taken, so the pilot on the next flight of that plane can review
the form before taking off.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humour.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses. P =
the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution and action taken by
engineers.
Quantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Amost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight ok, except auto land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order
P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud
S: DME volume set to more believable level
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.