Nisses

dunno if it's been here before, so plz don't shoot me if it has


The Gripe Sheet

After every Quantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during flight that need repair or correction.

The form used is a piece of paper on which the pilot completes the
top part listing the problem, which the mechanics read and then
respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action
was taken, so the pilot on the next flight of that plane can review
the form before taking off.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humour.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses. P =
the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution and action taken by
engineers.

Quantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Amost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight ok, except auto land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order

P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud
S: DME volume set to more believable level

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

cchris

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Good stuff

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oblar

haha excellent will have to send these to friends

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grumpyolddude

cAnt' tipe rijht. gighling tio mush.

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Flesh

lol, pretty funny

steelerz

good ones

Jesus Pimp

LOL!

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japzster

you gotta love a wrenchhead with a sense of humor...heh.. .that was golden. thanks for the laughs man

Jay Francis

Good

BatmanMan

Good Stuff Man. I know a mechanic like this...never fixed a damn thing.

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bastit

good stuff

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Bill O'Rights

Very good stuff. Gonna share for sure.

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Bobdoler

loved the flying funny one

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joshibahn

jeez, I am never flying anywhere again

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TerresqueÜ

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious


Loved that.

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txgirl

Love those! Thanks for a good laugh!

manalone

Hilarious... thanks

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ratbastid

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

That's exactly like some conversations I have with my web hosting clients! I love it!

pilot123

those came from the USAF, not quantas. Those things could never come from a US air carrier because of all the FAA stuff. The are very funny though.

usuallynotlost

i've seen this before and it always, always makes me lol.

petergriffin24

those were hilarious

morlock

Sounds like they're microsoft engineers. Remember this one?

An hellicopter is in seattle and is fogged in and their radar is on the blink. It flys around to try and find the airport, but it finds a building instead. The pilot writes a message on paper and holds it to the office workers. It say's "Where Am I?" The office workers write back a sign. "Your In A Helicopter." From there, the pilot landed the helicopter in 10 minutes at the airport. The copilot asks him, how'd you know where we were with our radar out and us fogged in and the sign not being helpful at all. The pilot reples. Well I knew from the answer they gave me that they must have been microsoft tech support engineers and from there I knew where the airport was.

krwlz

I wonder if the pilots get pissed? Oh well, funny as hell anyway!

bobdobbs8056135

funny stuff, thanks

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pta200

HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

Bigmac23

Seen it before... but still very funny!!!

Sticky

Here is one more that I sam on a version that I was emailed yesterday

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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bendsley

i enjoyed these, thanks!

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frogza

Good stuff, I'll be sending this to an aircraft mechanic friend of mine.

sillygirl

Cat installed


HAAAAAAAAAAAAHahahahaha

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Hain

These sound like what I tell people, :laughs:.

I take that back, this is what HP service is like!

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Seething

P: DME volume unbelievably loud
S: DME volume set to more believable level

That one made me laugh out loud. Very funny stuff.

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Poloboy

Awesome Nisses. Definitely passing it on.

joemc91

This is one that a friend of mine actually wrote down:

P: RADIO DOESN'T WORK!!!!
S: OH YES IT DOES!

MikeyChalupa

Except you forgot the punchline...

"...because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."


-Mikey

questone

Funny as HELL