Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Losing girlfriend for not wanting children

Baraka_Guru · 04-08-2010, 06:05 AM

I see an interesting "self-sacrificing breeder vs. childfree advocate" / "loving parent vs. selfish individualist" debate forming up. But I'm not sure if this will be of much help to the OP.

I think the tres needs to sit down and really think about what he opposes when he thinks about having children. Past experiences I think are a huge factor. Tres, the decision is ultimately yours, of course, but listening to both your father and girlfriend are important as well.

That said, conflicting life goals can be a dealbreaker in relationships. This one in particular is one of the more prevalent, I think.

Be prepared to change your perspective on rearing a child or be prepared to walk away from the relationship. If she wants a child and you convince her otherwise, the resentment could grow to grotesque proportions over the years. On the other hand, if you have children just to please her, the same thing could happen on the flipside.

Do you spend any amount of time with children now?

04-08-2010, 06:05 AM	#18 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	I see an interesting "self-sacrificing breeder vs. childfree advocate" / "loving parent vs. selfish individualist" debate forming up. But I'm not sure if this will be of much help to the OP. I think the tres needs to sit down and really think about what he opposes when he thinks about having children. Past experiences I think are a huge factor. Tres, the decision is ultimately yours, of course, but listening to both your father and girlfriend are important as well. That said, conflicting life goals can be a dealbreaker in relationships. This one in particular is one of the more prevalent, I think. Be prepared to change your perspective on rearing a child or be prepared to walk away from the relationship. If she wants a child and you convince her otherwise, the resentment could grow to grotesque proportions over the years. On the other hand, if you have children just to please her, the same thing could happen on the flipside. Do you spend any amount of time with children now? __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot Last edited by Baraka_Guru; 04-08-2010 at 06:07 AM..