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I'm not convinced this is an actual mid life crisis. . . . yet.
All the biggies are there, you love your wife, obviously love your kids, great job, financially secure, love your town and you said it yourself, "pretty fucking sweet life really".
Your complaint seems to be with your sex life. Possibly unknowingly, your self esteem is taking a big hit and being resurrected by your online "affairs" and your real life one.
Either way, everything in your post points to your sex life, or lack thereof as the problem, and possibly it's your writing style, but there seems to be some anger there too. Your mad and want to chuck your whole life because you are dissatisfied.
In general, I'm not a fan of counseling, but in this situation possibly you could benefit. Maybe you should go by yourself first, you could be bringing up the topic of sex wrong or in a way that makes your wife shut down. Then I'd suggest couples counseling, and for you to be open with your wife. Make it perfectly clear that the sex life you share is not meeting your needs, etc. etc.
At this point, if you have any hope of saving your marriage, salavaging the life you now lead, you need to stop having affairs, stop having virtual affairs and figure out how to fix what you have. What you are doing is not going to work.
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