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Xerxys · 03-21-2010, 10:05 AM

In this recession we have to be able to have a backup plan and being unemployed is not an option. If you are currently unemployed then absolutely nothing is below you so for all of you in need of a cash infusion, prepare to stoop and beg, but with the accepted dignity known as tarmacing. So to begin you need a job by Tuesday and today is Sunday so ...

1. Use the internet on Sunday

i) Get easy to remember email address.

If you are reading this I assume you somehow have internet access. You will need an email address which looks like this: firstname.lastname@whatever.com. Your first name dot your last name is a convention many companies are fond of using because it's memorable. If you don't already have one, go to Gmail and sign up for one. You can use a variation of this of course if your name is a common one like john smith or something similar and it's already taken. Try Lastname.Firstname@ ... and keep on trying without any numbers.

This shows organization and reasonable tech savvy. No one wants to have to teach you how to use what has now come to be a convention. A simple yet memorable email address shows a grasp of common sense and competitive nature.

Johhnyrudeboy646@yahoo.com just won’t cut it.

ii) Advertise your services.

Go to indeed.com, monster.com, craigslist.org and sign up for accounts with your real name. You don't want to keep on filling in forms, (I fuckin' hate forms). The government also offers a website that advertises job openings. Check with that. Craigslist is an immensely useful tool. Take advantage of its free advertising. If you live-in bum-fuck small-town wherever then you might want to use the free paper. If you fix things (cars, computers, washing machines) advertise there and keep your prices competitive. Everyone needs something fixed somewhere.

When responding to job ads, many can be found at every sight left and right. But if you see an add that says a certain company is hiring and gives you a phone number and address, goggle the phone number. It will bring you to the company’s website THEN apply on the website. If you can help it, never respond to a craigslist ad. In fact, I don’t respond to craigslist ads with no phone number and company name listed.

iii) Network.

If you have a degree then you might have to go back to your school administrators and ask for contacts. Go to employment agencies and hand them your complete dazzling resume and tell them you are searching for work in your qualified field.

2. Write Skeleton Resume and Cover letter.

Unlike very many misconceptions, a resume is a marketing device, NOT an application. It should be designed to get your foot in the door. Make you look adequately qualified for the job your currently applying for. Given that info, you should realize that you do not need a Bachelors in Advanced Cryptography and mechanized auto-deception transmorgrification to work at McDonalds.

One has to be cautious of what you put in print and how you prevent yourself. Every employer wants attention to detail. Any typos and inconsistencies like two spaces where before there was only one is aesthetically displeasing and will automatically disqualify you.

3. Carpet bomb STRATEGICALLY!

For minimum wage paying menial jobs, remove the degree and leave only that you are done with high school. When you walk into a fast food joint and the person gives you shifty eyes like you’re going to steal credit card numbers, effectively judging you, and says they don't have any applications left to fill, be gracious for the love of god and smile, pull out the resume you made for restaurants and hand it to him/her.

Now, if you had placed your very gleaming degree on your resume, there, at a fast food restaurant, and hand it over to a very tired and disheveled Burger King manager, you are starting off with a very wrong first impression. People like it if you aren't better than them. Show them that you are only capable of showing up on time and doing manual labor. Don't be overzealous and try to be hired as manager whilst you are still unemployed, you can do that AFTER you get the damn job and kiss the current managers ass real good!

You will need a resume and cover letter template, a skeleton -if you may, and this is why simplicity is the key. If you have a degree in (whatever) a resume sent to one company should not be the same as one sent to another even if it's for the same position. You see, when applying for jobs on a professional level, every resume should be tailored to the specific position at the specific company you are applying for. Write various resumes that encompass your skills which you will send to different employers with different mindsets.

This will ensure that no one company out of all those that you apply to looking for IT managers will get the same generic resume. The Objective in the resume and cover letter every company receives will reflect and be titled to the specific company. Making it look like you only applied to one in particular.

4. Tarmac. 7am-5pm.

Tarmac is macadam (broken stone) used to pave roads. "Tarmacing" is a phrase I learned back in Kenya when I was in Primary school and I would wake up at 6 in the morning to find people walking up to 20Km either to work or to find work. It happens almost everywhere, in Palestine boarder to Israel when locals cross everyday to look for work.

This is what you must do. No question about that, until you're hired. You have to wake up and be at local fast food joints at either 7 or 8AM when there are people preparing to open. Usually morning managers are up at that time for opening. Either they are available or, like McD's which is 24/7, they are changing shifts. Walk in and ask to fill an application for team member.

5. Attitude is everything.

When you get a less than friendly vibe, always be gracious and respectable. This happens mostly with jobs that often hire mainly women/girls like bartenders, servers, and baristas and in my Trader Joes here, cashiers. Don't be curt and don't look too desperate. Ask if you can fill out an application online and if you can get the store number if there is one. Take a business card from them as well.

6. Attitude Goddamn it!!

This cannot be stressed enough, once hired, be the best employee ever. Shows up on time (goes without saying) avoid any personal water cooler conversation. Finish up assignments on time and don't cut and run when something better comes along. Always put in a two week notice. It is important that you are not fired from any workplace for background purposes.

So, let’s go through this again;

1. Use the internet on Sunday

i) Get easy to remember email address.
ii) Take advantage of free advertizing.
iii) Go back to your school administrators and ask for contacts.

2. Write Skeleton Resume and Cover letter.
3. Carpet bomb STRATEGICALLY!
4. Hoof it! 7am-5pm every day. No question about that, until your hired.
5. Attitude motherfucker!
6. Attitude Goddamn it!!

Good luck in your job hunt.

03-21-2010, 10:05 AM	#1 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	Xerxys' Guide To Job Hunting In this recession we have to be able to have a backup plan and being unemployed is not an option. If you are currently unemployed then absolutely nothing is below you so for all of you in need of a cash infusion, prepare to stoop and beg, but with the accepted dignity known as tarmacing. So to begin you need a job by Tuesday and today is Sunday so ... 1. Use the internet on Sunday i) Get easy to remember email address. If you are reading this I assume you somehow have internet access. You will need an email address which looks like this: firstname.lastname@whatever.com. Your first name dot your last name is a convention many companies are fond of using because it's memorable. If you don't already have one, go to Gmail and sign up for one. You can use a variation of this of course if your name is a common one like john smith or something similar and it's already taken. Try Lastname.Firstname@ ... and keep on trying without any numbers. This shows organization and reasonable tech savvy. No one wants to have to teach you how to use what has now come to be a convention. A simple yet memorable email address shows a grasp of common sense and competitive nature. Johhnyrudeboy646@yahoo.com just won’t cut it. ii) Advertise your services. Go to indeed.com, monster.com, craigslist.org and sign up for accounts with your real name. You don't want to keep on filling in forms, (I fuckin' hate forms). The government also offers a website that advertises job openings. Check with that. Craigslist is an immensely useful tool. Take advantage of its free advertising. If you live-in bum-fuck small-town wherever then you might want to use the free paper. If you fix things (cars, computers, washing machines) advertise there and keep your prices competitive. Everyone needs something fixed somewhere. When responding to job ads, many can be found at every sight left and right. But if you see an add that says a certain company is hiring and gives you a phone number and address, goggle the phone number. It will bring you to the company’s website THEN apply on the website. If you can help it, never respond to a craigslist ad. In fact, I don’t respond to craigslist ads with no phone number and company name listed. iii) Network. If you have a degree then you might have to go back to your school administrators and ask for contacts. Go to employment agencies and hand them your complete dazzling resume and tell them you are searching for work in your qualified field. 2. Write Skeleton Resume and Cover letter. Unlike very many misconceptions, a resume is a marketing device, NOT an application. It should be designed to get your foot in the door. Make you look adequately qualified for the job your currently applying for. Given that info, you should realize that you do not need a Bachelors in Advanced Cryptography and mechanized auto-deception transmorgrification to work at McDonalds. One has to be cautious of what you put in print and how you prevent yourself. Every employer wants attention to detail. Any typos and inconsistencies like two spaces where before there was only one is aesthetically displeasing and will automatically disqualify you. 3. Carpet bomb STRATEGICALLY! For minimum wage paying menial jobs, remove the degree and leave only that you are done with high school. When you walk into a fast food joint and the person gives you shifty eyes like you’re going to steal credit card numbers, effectively judging you, and says they don't have any applications left to fill, be gracious for the love of god and smile, pull out the resume you made for restaurants and hand it to him/her. Now, if you had placed your very gleaming degree on your resume, there, at a fast food restaurant, and hand it over to a very tired and disheveled Burger King manager, you are starting off with a very wrong first impression. People like it if you aren't better than them. Show them that you are only capable of showing up on time and doing manual labor. Don't be overzealous and try to be hired as manager whilst you are still unemployed, you can do that AFTER you get the damn job and kiss the current managers ass real good! You will need a resume and cover letter template, a skeleton -if you may, and this is why simplicity is the key. If you have a degree in (whatever) a resume sent to one company should not be the same as one sent to another even if it's for the same position. You see, when applying for jobs on a professional level, every resume should be tailored to the specific position at the specific company you are applying for. Write various resumes that encompass your skills which you will send to different employers with different mindsets. This will ensure that no one company out of all those that you apply to looking for IT managers will get the same generic resume. The Objective in the resume and cover letter every company receives will reflect and be titled to the specific company. Making it look like you only applied to one in particular. 4. Tarmac. 7am-5pm. Tarmac is macadam (broken stone) used to pave roads. "Tarmacing" is a phrase I learned back in Kenya when I was in Primary school and I would wake up at 6 in the morning to find people walking up to 20Km either to work or to find work. It happens almost everywhere, in Palestine boarder to Israel when locals cross everyday to look for work. This is what you must do. No question about that, until you're hired. You have to wake up and be at local fast food joints at either 7 or 8AM when there are people preparing to open. Usually morning managers are up at that time for opening. Either they are available or, like McD's which is 24/7, they are changing shifts. Walk in and ask to fill an application for team member. 5. Attitude is everything. When you get a less than friendly vibe, always be gracious and respectable. This happens mostly with jobs that often hire mainly women/girls like bartenders, servers, and baristas and in my Trader Joes here, cashiers. Don't be curt and don't look too desperate. Ask if you can fill out an application online and if you can get the store number if there is one. Take a business card from them as well. 6. Attitude Goddamn it!! This cannot be stressed enough, once hired, be the best employee ever. Shows up on time (goes without saying) avoid any personal water cooler conversation. Finish up assignments on time and don't cut and run when something better comes along. Always put in a two week notice. It is important that you are not fired from any workplace for background purposes. So, let’s go through this again; 1. Use the internet on Sunday i) Get easy to remember email address. ii) Take advantage of free advertizing. iii) Go back to your school administrators and ask for contacts. 2. Write Skeleton Resume and Cover letter. 3. Carpet bomb STRATEGICALLY! 4. Hoof it! 7am-5pm every day. No question about that, until your hired. 5. Attitude motherfucker! 6. Attitude Goddamn it!! Good luck in your job hunt.