Xerxys

In this recession we have to be able to have a backup plan and being unemployed is not an option. If you are currently unemployed then absolutely nothing is below you so for all of you in need of a cash infusion, prepare to stoop and beg, but with the accepted dignity known as tarmacing. So to begin you need a job by Tuesday and today is Sunday so ...


1. Use the internet on Sunday

• i) Get easy to remember email address.

If you are reading this I assume you somehow have internet access. You will need an email address which looks like this: firstname.lastname@whatever.com. Your first name dot your last name is a convention many companies are fond of using because it's memorable. If you don't already have one, go to Gmail and sign up for one. You can use a variation of this of course if your name is a common one like john smith or something similar and it's already taken. Try Lastname.Firstname@ ... and keep on trying without any numbers.

This shows organization and reasonable tech savvy. No one wants to have to teach you how to use what has now come to be a convention. A simple yet memorable email address shows a grasp of common sense and competitive nature.

Johhnyrudeboy646@yahoo.com just won’t cut it.

• ii) Advertise your services.

Go to indeed.com, monster.com, craigslist.org and sign up for accounts with your real name. You don't want to keep on filling in forms, (I fuckin' hate forms). The government also offers a website that advertises job openings. Check with that. Craigslist is an immensely useful tool. Take advantage of its free advertising. If you live-in bum-fuck small-town wherever then you might want to use the free paper. If you fix things (cars, computers, washing machines) advertise there and keep your prices competitive. Everyone needs something fixed somewhere.

When responding to job ads, many can be found at every sight left and right. But if you see an add that says a certain company is hiring and gives you a phone number and address, goggle the phone number. It will bring you to the company’s website THEN apply on the website. If you can help it, never respond to a craigslist ad. In fact, I don’t respond to craigslist ads with no phone number and company name listed.

• iii) Network.

If you have a degree then you might have to go back to your school administrators and ask for contacts. Go to employment agencies and hand them your complete dazzling resume and tell them you are searching for work in your qualified field.

2. Write Skeleton Resume and Cover letter.

Unlike very many misconceptions, a resume is a marketing device, NOT an application. It should be designed to get your foot in the door. Make you look adequately qualified for the job your currently applying for. Given that info, you should realize that you do not need a Bachelors in Advanced Cryptography and mechanized auto-deception transmorgrification to work at McDonalds.

One has to be cautious of what you put in print and how you prevent yourself. Every employer wants attention to detail. Any typos and inconsistencies like two spaces where before there was only one is aesthetically displeasing and will automatically disqualify you.

3. Carpet bomb STRATEGICALLY!

For minimum wage paying menial jobs, remove the degree and leave only that you are done with high school. When you walk into a fast food joint and the person gives you shifty eyes like you’re going to steal credit card numbers, effectively judging you, and says they don't have any applications left to fill, be gracious for the love of god and smile, pull out the resume you made for restaurants and hand it to him/her.



You will need a resume and cover letter template, a skeleton -if you may, and this is why simplicity is the key. If you have a degree in (whatever) a resume sent to one company should not be the same as one sent to another even if it's for the same position. You see, when applying for jobs on a professional level, every resume should be tailored to the specific position at the specific company you are applying for. Write various resumes that encompass your skills which you will send to different employers with different mindsets.

This will ensure that no one company out of all those that you apply to looking for IT managers will get the same generic resume. The Objective in the resume and cover letter every company receives will reflect and be titled to the specific company. Making it look like you only applied to one in particular.

4. Tarmac. 7am-5pm.

Tarmac is macadam (broken stone) used to pave roads. "Tarmacing" is a phrase I learned back in Kenya when I was in Primary school and I would wake up at 6 in the morning to find people walking up to 20Km either to work or to find work. It happens almost everywhere, in Palestine boarder to Israel when locals cross everyday to look for work.

This is what you must do. No question about that, until you're hired. You have to wake up and be at local fast food joints at either 7 or 8AM when there are people preparing to open. Usually morning managers are up at that time for opening. Either they are available or, like McD's which is 24/7, they are changing shifts. Walk in and ask to fill an application for team member.

5. Attitude is everything.

When you get a less than friendly vibe, always be gracious and respectable. This happens mostly with jobs that often hire mainly women/girls like bartenders, servers, and baristas and in my Trader Joes here, cashiers. Don't be curt and don't look too desperate. Ask if you can fill out an application online and if you can get the store number if there is one. Take a business card from them as well.

6. Attitude Goddamn it!!

This cannot be stressed enough, once hired, be the best employee ever. Shows up on time (goes without saying) avoid any personal water cooler conversation. Finish up assignments on time and don't cut and run when something better comes along. Always put in a two week notice. It is important that you are not fired from any workplace for background purposes.

So, let’s go through this again;

1. Use the internet on Sunday

• i) Get easy to remember email address.
• ii) Take advantage of free advertizing.
• iii) Go back to your school administrators and ask for contacts.

2. Write Skeleton Resume and Cover letter.
3. Carpet bomb STRATEGICALLY!
4. Hoof it! 7am-5pm every day. No question about that, until your hired.
5. Attitude motherfucker!
6. Attitude Goddamn it!!

Good luck in your job hunt.

hunnychile

If only it was this simple IRL!

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

Xerxys

Your doing an excellent job with that kind of attitude! Keep it up.

Craven Morehead

I'd recommend acquiring a free email account specifically for this purpose rather than an email address provided by your ISP. I'm using an ISP provided email address and it occurred afterwards to me that I am now really tied to my ISP as long as I'm searching for employment. If I would have used a gmail account, that is transportable, no matter of the ISP I use.

CareerBuilder.com is great. Check your state government's website, usually they have a website for job searches. In many cases they aggregate from other websites, newspapers and corporate listings. If you're looking for something other than entry level, set up a profile on LinkedIn and begin adding contacts. Even if you aren't looking today, do that and add as many people going forward as you can. You'll always be connected with them via LinkedIn even if they change jobs. You'll have a very effective online network to rely upon when you look for a job the next time.

Be very suspicious of anyone that wants money from you to help you get job, for any reason. I've had 3 instances in the past month of that. One was blatant. Also be very suspicious of offers that are too good to be true. They are. I received an email this past week from a company based in Moscow to be their US representative. Just 3-5 hours a week. I'm pretty sure its some sort of money laundering.

I spend a lot of time researching jobs I apply to. Research during the week and apply on Monday. You'll soon find out that only a very small percentage will contact you. But don't get discouraged. You have to keep it up. Its a numbers game. The more you do, the better your chances are of getting a response.

SecretMethod70

Being locked in to your ISP is definitely something to consider, but the counter-argument is that having an ISP e-mail address shows that you are a responsible enough adult to pay the bills on time and get that e-mail address. I've seen compelling arguments on both sides of ISP vs free e-mail provider.

__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

ASU2003

Try and think outside of the box. If you know of a problem and have a solution for fixing it (and it could make the company more money or save the consumers money), then write it in your cover letter.

I wish I would have tried to come up with my own company idea or invention and tried that route. There is venture capital, government loans, and other ways of financing things.

LordEden

Great guide Xman, I think this guide applies for more of entry level jobs (restaurants, fast food, ect), but if you are jobless then ANY job should be better than NO job.

Turning down a job flipping burgers because you have an Masters in Advanced Theoretical Physics is a very lame excuse.

I think there should be a section about Temp jobs and daily work jobs like Manpower or Able Body (Daily Pay).

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

ASU2003

If you do have a job, you should be able to save enough to survive for a few months without a job. Unemployment benefits might help, but don't always count on that.

The reason is, that you should look into doing jobs that you are good at or are in your area of interest/expertise/passion first. Don't give up and just get a warehouse job because the first few companies didn't have any openings for what you are trained or enjoy doing.

Xerxys

You can purchase a yourname@yourname/company.com email from yahoo, hotmail or gmail for either a monthly or yearly price. But a free and web based email is the way to go just in case you have to check your email and you are nowhere near home.

The guide applies for ALL jobs. Yes, you will be more than likely get the job at McD's faster than the IT admin but you will have bills to pay in the mean time so if you were fired for some stupid shit like insubordinate behavior or attendance points then you can't collect unemployment. That and unemployment sucks. Here in NC they pay you two thirds of what you made last year, I am unsure for how long. I am uneducated so I make an estimated 19,000 a year. Which means I'll get less than $12,670. Screw that.

Cynthetiq

I'm not tied with my ISP because I would have changed email addresses 6 times in the past 15 years. I still have my AOL address and it's no longer something I pay for. I do still get people sending me job offers via AOL and no not the work at home spam ones.

AOL, Time Warner, Cablevision, RCN, Time Warner, Verizon FIOS

For the past 5 years I've had my own domain so it is firstname@lastname.com. I use that for all business contact.

Now onto my critique of Xerx's OP.

I'd say that you're missing a good amount of networking in there. The last two jobs I got were because of the people I know and the right timing. This means that I was looking when the opening happened. Even when I have a job, I network, network, network. It's an important thing to consider because when you are in most need is when you look hungriest and people will wish they can help you but really more than often cannot.

So, I go to mixers, events, parties, shindigs, anything where people are there that I can say hello and hand my business card to. Sometimes it nets me nothing. Others it may be a new friend. Sometimes it's just a nice evening out. Others, it's a consult here and a consult there, putting a few bucks in my pocket. Finally, it's introduced me to some good networkers who also believe in the power of networking.

Networking has not only netted me a couple of jobs, but also tickets to movies, free Broadway show tickets, invitations to art gallery shows, and many other interesting things that would normally cost me money to attend.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

snowy

Networking is HUGE for professional jobs. It is one of the reasons why my SO's engineering school invites employers to visit campus and do presentations in classes. After the presentation is over, the students have a chance to chat with the representatives. My SO has been sure to introduce himself (with perfect resume) to just about every representative that comes, and also sends a follow-up email after the chat. In addition, he has been very thorough about meeting professors, going to office hours both for help and to make sure they know him, etc., because their letters of recommendation, ability to provide a reference, and real-world contacts are invaluable.

For people who are students or soon to be graduating, use your university's resources. Xerxys referred to this a bit in the OP, but every school has a Career Services office or equivalent. No university worth its salt wants to see students in a professional program graduate without a job. Typically, they offer classes or workshops on resume writing, networking, etc--ours even offers a yearly dinner for students to practice their etiquette skills. They may also have a jobs board--ours is online now. You're paying for all of this stuff from tuition and fees, so use it.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Cynthetiq

snowy, that's why I wanted to emphasize that after school or if you don't have a school there are plenty of networking opportunities. One just has to be serious about networking and look for and find opportunities to network. Every person you meet, is a potential opportunity. This is not limited to people you know but everyone you encounter from waitstaff to your neighbors.

For many, they don't have an alumni group to fall back on, or it's too far away from where one is living to take advantage of easily.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

snowy

One other way to network that I haven't seen mentioned here is to join a community service/philanthropy group--Kiwanis, Rotary, Lions, etc. In some communities, they may be full of old people, but they can still provide you with valuable connections.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

yournamehere

That would be great advice if there was even a single HR Manager out there who would do the same thing.

If there's a job opening for delivering pizzas, who do you think gets the job: A-the teenager with 6 months experience delivering pizzas, or B-the 45-year old with two bachelors, a masters, and 15 years of project management who saved his previous employers millions of dollars over the past two decades?

If you said "B", you're living in a dream world.

__________________
If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

ASU2003

You can apply to the next season of The Apprentice. The 'B' guy is who they are looking for.

As for the delivery guy, I have to wonder why the 45 year old would be in that financial position to need that job? How long have they been unemployed?

yournamehere

Yes, I'll be sure to make The Apprentice my pension plan. Right after Powerball and Publishers Clearinghouse.

Actually, I was using a hypothetical situation to make a point. But I have talked to HR Managers and told them I have creative, technical, and communication skills that would seamlessly transfer to their particular profession. But they've all politely told me that I don't have the "exact" experience on their candidate qualifications sheet. And right now my profession is only offering entry-level positions. Sucks to know that employers are giving preference to recent graduates than to those with decades of experience, even though they all know we're willing to work for the same salary to avoid being homeless in a few months.

EDIT LATER:
Oh - 16 months now.

__________________
If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

Craven Morehead

And they can afford to be picky since there are so many looking for unemployment and will be for the next few years. I've tried to move into a different business sector but have been told more than once that I will need inside help in order to get past HR.

12 months for me.

But hey, I was offered a job this morning. At one quarter of what I made. And contract only, no benefits. Its essentially a half step up from unemployment.