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EleqTrizi'T · 03-15-2010, 11:00 AM

Hello. I'm mostly an occassional lurker.

I have a situation and I thought I'd ask for opinions here as I know most of you shoot straight.

My neighbor and I are good friends. We moved into our neighborhood about 8 years ago about the same time, and have been friends since. Lots of nights drinking, etc. We bought motorcycles together, everything. We're close.

About a year ago he started becoming a grumpy old man, even tho he's only 35 (I'm 33). We both let ourselves go physically over the years of being happily married. He and I were both unhappy about being out of shape but he was REALLY unhappy. He is also a heavy smoker.

I decided I would buy a complete weight set and start working out. I asked him to join me. He lasted like a week before excuses started coming. I kept at it. About 6 months into that I decided I wasn't getting the results I wanted so I joined a gym and started seeing a nutrionist.

My neighbor? Gained 30 more lbs despite the fact I GAVE him all my weights (bench press, leg machine AND elliptical). BTW I gave him the weights after failed attempts to get him to join the gym with me. He said he could do it on his own if he had my equipment, so I gave it to him.

2 months ago I talked my cousin into coming with me to the gym. He's SUPREMELY out of shape. Talking 200+ lbs over what he should be. We've been making steady progress together. My cousin is down 40 lbs already.

Here is where the smoking question comes in. About 4 months ago my neighbor broke a rib. It's been broken ever since? Why? Because he damn near has emphysema and can't stop coughing hard. He smokes SO much and has been smoking since he's 14. He can't breath. He can't TALK to you without running out of breath. Imagine having pneumonia every day, all day. That's him. I've never talked to him about it because his wife has warned me he is ultra sensitive about it and will just claim it's allergies. Allergies all year round.

So on Saturday I was in his garage talking to him and his wife comes home from the gym. That's right she goes to the gym because he demands his wife at least try to be fit (she's in better shape than him by far). Anyways his wife is talking to me and saying how good I look and she can see the difference. So my neighbor says "I WISH I could work out but my rib...".

I tell him when he finally heals he should come to the gym with me and my cousin. He immediately says "I absolutely refuse to join a gym and waste the money." I point out its only $25 a month. "That's money I DO NOT have", he tells me. I finally say, "Come on man, how much do you spend on smokes in a month?!?"

He yelled at me! "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY GARAGE!!" I was like what? "I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!". I started to say I was just trying to help but he interrupted with some more yelling to get out.

So I left.

Ten minutes later he came over and apologized, but I'm still mad at being talked to that way. He's increasingly turned into an angry guy over the past year, and in fact got denied a promotion at work because his coworkers threatened to quit if he became their boss. But this is the first time he's treated me like crap.

So I talked to a few people. I couple of smokers I asked about this said "it's a lifestyle choice and it's not up to you to decide what's best for him". Most didn't know what to think, tho.

Was I out of line? I don't believe he can do this on his own, and you know what, I think what I said needed to be said. Am I just butting into people's business too much? Cuz really, I'd do that for anyone, but if people don't want any encourage/help/truth then I'll just let people be.

03-15-2010, 11:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
EleqTrizi'T Insane	Question For Smokers & Non-Smokers Hello. I'm mostly an occassional lurker. I have a situation and I thought I'd ask for opinions here as I know most of you shoot straight. My neighbor and I are good friends. We moved into our neighborhood about 8 years ago about the same time, and have been friends since. Lots of nights drinking, etc. We bought motorcycles together, everything. We're close. About a year ago he started becoming a grumpy old man, even tho he's only 35 (I'm 33). We both let ourselves go physically over the years of being happily married. He and I were both unhappy about being out of shape but he was REALLY unhappy. He is also a heavy smoker. I decided I would buy a complete weight set and start working out. I asked him to join me. He lasted like a week before excuses started coming. I kept at it. About 6 months into that I decided I wasn't getting the results I wanted so I joined a gym and started seeing a nutrionist. My neighbor? Gained 30 more lbs despite the fact I GAVE him all my weights (bench press, leg machine AND elliptical). BTW I gave him the weights after failed attempts to get him to join the gym with me. He said he could do it on his own if he had my equipment, so I gave it to him. 2 months ago I talked my cousin into coming with me to the gym. He's SUPREMELY out of shape. Talking 200+ lbs over what he should be. We've been making steady progress together. My cousin is down 40 lbs already. Here is where the smoking question comes in. About 4 months ago my neighbor broke a rib. It's been broken ever since? Why? Because he damn near has emphysema and can't stop coughing hard. He smokes SO much and has been smoking since he's 14. He can't breath. He can't TALK to you without running out of breath. Imagine having pneumonia every day, all day. That's him. I've never talked to him about it because his wife has warned me he is ultra sensitive about it and will just claim it's allergies. Allergies all year round. So on Saturday I was in his garage talking to him and his wife comes home from the gym. That's right she goes to the gym because he demands his wife at least try to be fit (she's in better shape than him by far). Anyways his wife is talking to me and saying how good I look and she can see the difference. So my neighbor says "I WISH I could work out but my rib...". I tell him when he finally heals he should come to the gym with me and my cousin. He immediately says "I absolutely refuse to join a gym and waste the money." I point out its only $25 a month. "That's money I DO NOT have", he tells me. I finally say, "Come on man, how much do you spend on smokes in a month?!?" He yelled at me! "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY GARAGE!!" I was like what? "I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!". I started to say I was just trying to help but he interrupted with some more yelling to get out. So I left. Ten minutes later he came over and apologized, but I'm still mad at being talked to that way. He's increasingly turned into an angry guy over the past year, and in fact got denied a promotion at work because his coworkers threatened to quit if he became their boss. But this is the first time he's treated me like crap. So I talked to a few people. I couple of smokers I asked about this said "it's a lifestyle choice and it's not up to you to decide what's best for him". Most didn't know what to think, tho. Was I out of line? I don't believe he can do this on his own, and you know what, I think what I said needed to be said. Am I just butting into people's business too much? Cuz really, I'd do that for anyone, but if people don't want any encourage/help/truth then I'll just let people be.