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It's been a long time since I've been on here even longer since I last posted. Not really much to say except that I'm still alive.
My wife and I should be divorced on 3/24 if all goes well. The divorce is uncontested and we have been very friendly to each other. No lawyers, did the paper work together, 50/50 split. We still see each other often do to kid drop off and such.
It's very painful to be cheated on. You have these thoughts of inadequacies but really it's not my concern. She is living with the other guy and even though she says she never did anything with him until she moved out I don't believe it. My mom pointed out that you don't share your bed with someone unless they've been there before. I have yet to see his face since all this came out. I'm not mad at him but I certainly have no respect for him.
There is a silver lining though. I met her when I was just 18 and while I have always been very mature and responsible I missed a lot of growing up. I have a hard time defining myself, what I like, what do I believe in, what's worth fighting for, etc. Now I feel as if I am learning who I really am and becoming a better person. I am in the best shape of my life and have learned the biggest obstacle to success is your own self doubt. Lifting weights as primal as it is can also be very philosophical. I am fully involved as a father and have my son 6 days and 4 nights, my daughter is w/me 5 days but only 2 nights. The kids are more attached to me right now than their mother and while that’s sad I’m thankful that they feel safe and secure with me.
Even her family supports me more than her because she went about things the wrong way. I forgive her. We all make mistakes and I only know of one person that was perfect. In the end I will be better for it. The thing that worries me is when the kids are older they'll figure out that their mom cheated on their dad. I hope they don't lose respect for her.
I have gone out on two eHarmony dates. First one she was into me but I wasn't into her. The second was the opposite situation. It was the first time I ever asked a woman for her phone number. Weird I know. I'm 35 w/two kids and it's like I'm a virgin in high school again. Can't say I enjoyed the dates or the whole eharmony thing. I don't think I'm ready but I am trying to push myself out there so I don't become a hermit and live only for his kids. I know that's not healthy for me or them.
That’s all for now. Maybe I’ll post pictures from the divorce party my friends have promised to through me. I hope they are kidding actually.
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